Dating and Motherhood: A Therapist's Perspective

Are you struggling with dating, motherhood, or egg freezing?

Do you feel uncertain about how to navigate these journeys?

In episode 13, Julie Newman, Lauren Milo, and Beth Gulotta discuss their personal frameworks on dating and how they let those frameworks inform their work with clients who are struggling with dating.

Julie shares their perspective on what makes a good date and a bad date. They believe that a good date is where you can show up as yourself and leave as yourself without feeling like you’ve lost anything. On the other hand, a bad date is when you feel less than the other person, especially if they are overly charismatic or narcissistic.

Lauren introduces the topic of using self-disclosure in therapy and how it can humanize the therapist. They discuss the importance of being mindful of the intention behind self-disclosure and how it can benefit the client. Beth shares their approach to using self-disclosure sparingly and only when it can benefit the client. They also talk about their personal framework on dating, which is to enjoy the present moment and be mindful of the limited time we have.

The speakers emphasize the importance of being mindful and intentional in therapy and using personal frameworks to inform their work with clients. They encourage clients to stay curious and open-minded, and to seek support from a therapist when needed.

The speakers also discuss the impact of fear on dating, and how it can lead to self-doubt and insecurity. They suggest that clients should be mindful of whether their fear is internal or external, and work to overcome it in order to show up authentically in a relationship. They also note that the traditional view of partnership and children as a cornerstone event has shifted to a capstone event, where people feel they need to have everything in place before committing to a relationship.

Overall, the speakers emphasize the importance of staying grounded and true to oneself in dating. They encourage their clients to view breakups or unsuccessful dates as opportunities to learn and invest in themselves, rather than feeling like they have wasted time.

As Beth notes, “It’s important to recognize that you’re not alone in this journey. We all have our own struggles and challenges, but with the right support and guidance, we can navigate through them and come out stronger on the other side.”

If you’re looking for guidance and support in your dating journey, I highly recommend giving this episode a listen. It’s full of valuable insights and practical advice that can help you navigate through the uncertainty of dating, motherhood, and egg freezing.

Thanks for tuning in, and don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast for more great content like this!

FOLLOW JULIE AND LAUREN:

Julie Newman on Instagram

Lauren Milo on Instagram

Quotes:

• “A good date is where you lose nothing. You show up as yourself and you leave as yourself.”
• “Pure recognition just recognize what’s going on the catalyst for change isn’t always jumping off the bridge or blowing things up in one shot like the catalyst for change really starts with the awareness of saying I can do this.”
• “The other thing I see is a lot of questioning of fear in their ability to live their lives. The question that I ask is, is the fear in you or on you? If it’s in you, like we can handle that, that’s self-doubt that is a space of like inner critic, inner talk a hundred percent like we can handle everything that’s internal here but if it’s on you and that’s where it’s going back to Julie where it’s like are you getting external messaging?”
• “No, you’re starting new with the information that you learned from our sessions from this relationship like you’re moving forward with more clarity.”

Key Points:

• Navigating Self-Disclosure in Therapy [00:01:31] Julie Newman, Lauren Milo, and Beth Gulotta discuss the use of self-disclosure in therapy and how to identify when it can be helpful for clients.
• Humanizing the Therapist [00:05:42] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss the trend towards humanizing the therapist and how it can impact the therapeutic relationship.
• Using Personal Frameworks in Therapy [00:07:56] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how they let their personal frameworks on dating inform their work with clients who are struggling with dating.
• The Only Responsibility is to Meet Your Own Needs [00:08:43] Lauren discusses her personal framework on dating and how she lets it inform her work with clients who are struggling with dating.
• Attachment Theory and Building Awareness [00:11:33] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss the importance of attachment theory in therapy and how building awareness can lead to change in patterns and behaviors.
• Struggles in Dating for Women in their 30s [00:15:48] Julie talks about the struggles her female clients face in dating, specifically with men who are not content with their careers and struggle to show up in relationships.
• Shifts in Dating [00:19:29] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how dating has shifted from being a cornerstone event to a capstone event, and how this affects people’s expectations and fears.
• Sparks and Fear in Dating [00:22:01] Julie, Lauren, and Beth talk about the importance of not expecting sparks or love at first sight, and how fear can impact how people show up on dates.
• Self-Doubt in Career and Relationships [00:17:28] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how women can feel less motivated or accomplished in their careers when compared to their partners, and how this can affect their relationships.
• Courageous Clients [00:25:09] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how proud they are of clients who show up for therapy and continue to reflect on their dating experiences, using the information to improve future dates.
• Starting New [00:26:02] Julie, Lauren, and Beth talk about how clients can move forward with more clarity after a breakup or deciding not to see someone again, using the information they learned in therapy to start anew.
• Investing in Learning [00:26:36] Julie, Lauren, and Beth emphasize that dating experiences are not a waste of time, but rather an investment in learning about oneself and what they want or need in a partner.