Breaking Free From Societal Norms

I think 25 felt less scary than 30 if I'm completely honest because for some

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reason and I've talked to so many women on my podcast about this I think women are so afraid of turning 30 I think

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we're told that like basically we have until 35 to have children and then

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that's a wrap for us and so I think 25 you're like okay I still have a shot at

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things but 30 if you're not with someone and you don't like I don't if if I

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decide to have kids like I don't know who the father of my children is going to be right now I really don't and if

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you think about it you have to date you have to get engaged you have to get married then you have to kid like that those are a lot of things that to

Conversations About Freezing Eggs

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[Music]

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accomplish I am so excited and so grateful to have my next guest on I had the pleasure of being a guest on her

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podcast and very much enjoyed being in the other seat I'm joined today by Julia whose podcast is pretty much done um so

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it's R reversal today now I get to ask you the questions but um it's been so

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amazing to be connected to you in so many ways I think in a lot of ways we have similar mindsets and Frameworks and

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the work that we're doing is so similar so I was really excited when you reached out to have me on your podcast and that

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was such an amazing experience and very grateful that you are joining me now here today so welcome thank you thank

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thank you so much for having me on I felt very inspired after our conversation you know you really amped

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me up to freeze my eggs I haven't done it since but it definitely left the thought in my mind so super grateful

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that you were on and super grateful to be on today yeah and you know I I guess that's one of my questions and maybe we

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can just jump in there and just kind of like roll with the conversation and see where it goes um I appreciate that you

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felt that way about the conversation I know some other women like new to their 30s or very fresh in their 30 30s have

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different thoughts on having that conversation or being ushered in that conversation so early so I'm curious to

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hear from you it sounds like you feel a little bit differently like that you appreciate those type of

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conversations for sure I mean I think that 10 years ago we weren't able to have those conversations you know I was

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just speaking to someone last night and she's a 26 yearold woman and we were talking about kids and she said you know

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I don't know I I'm hoping that I find a partner that I want to have kids with but I'm not sure and it I won't be

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devastated if I don't have kids and I think that it's a privilege to be able to get to say that because I don't think

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that 10 years ago we got as women we were able to say those things and feel

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as independent as we do and feel as content saying those things and obviously I we talked about on my

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podcast I'm not sure where I land on wanting kids but I like the idea of potentially freezing my egg so that I

Traditional Path and Finding Fulfillment

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have the option one day and don't have regrets and wonder what if when that time comes when you know my biological

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clock is obviously ticking um and so yeah I feel I feel lucky to be in that place yeah I love that and I think

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that's a like yeah the conversations we're able to have today and the options

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we're able to have today or even just like the normalization of these options are so important and I shared this with

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you and I was on your podcast like these conversations are so important for that reason because you know the journeys

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don't always look like you know the linear path that we were told or we were sold so it's so nice to be able to have

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these conversations sort of destigmatize some of these things um So within that

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vein can you share more about you I want to talk you just made this big move I want to hear I want you to share all of

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it with with the audience yeah for sure I mean talk about the Journey of the traditional path not panning out that is

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I think like me in a nutshell so obvious obviously you know I've shared with you

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and on social media I've shared that I'm Russian Jewish and traditionally Russian Jews or Jews get married young um my

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entire life I was told get married have kids find a husband and I kept trying to

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do that because I I watched everyone around me do it my mom you know my

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parents got married my mom was 21 my dad was 22 my mom had two kids by the age of

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25 and I just thought that's what I have to do I remember my seventh grade English teacher asked me like what does

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my future look like and I told her I'm going to have two kids when I'm 25 and

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that very much didn't happen for me so I kept finding myself trying to find this

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family I was trying to create this same follow the same path that so many people

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around me were following and my mom had done and my sister had done and I kept finding myself in these relationships

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feeling very deeply unfulfilled and these people just weren't my people and

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I I realized throughout this whole ordeal throughout the process of online dating and finding myself in so many

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different relationships I was trying to find fulfillment in someone else and I was

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anchoring a lot of my value and selfworth on someone else so that I could tell everyone around me look I did

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what you told me to do I did it I I I accomplish that end goal and so I went

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on this journey and in Co I found myself in a really toxic relationship I found

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myself listening to podcasts and feeling a lot less alone in that relationship

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and I listened to this one podcast episode with Mariana hwit she had the celebrity hair stylist Jen Atkin on and

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Jen Atkin shared with her that she tells all of her friends who are in bad relationships or relationships they

Starting the Podcast and Self-fulfillment

5:49

don't they don't want to be in that it just takes one weekend of moving your stuff out and that's it and it's just

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one weekend and you rip the Band-Aid off and I remember I remember walking around

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and I was like okay that like that stuck with me that hit it's so so I just need one weekend and this could all be over

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and I could basically get my freedom back and I did it it wasn't exactly in that moment but I did it shortly

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thereafter and I felt so free from that relationship wondering why I stuck in

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that relationship and I also thought to myself if I can be that Moment of clarity for someone else if I can tell

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them on a podcast not to settle if I can tell them my story share different stories of people who have gotten

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through these situations where they thought that they were going to settle I want to be that Moment of clarity for

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someone else I love that wow yeah and so that's that's really what led me to

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start my podcast and led me to start pretty much done in all of the social media content that I share because I

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think that so many people are afraid of a the ticking time clock especially for

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women be not following the traditional rules that Society tells us see starting

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over and I just think that life is so short and when we look at our Tombstone

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it's not going to say you know Julia was in these many relationships or Julia was

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single at the age of 30 or Julia didn't have kids it's GNA it's going to talk about how I made people feel and the the

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relationships that I have around me um and that's really where my quality of life is at yeah I I love that Moment of

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clarity for you and I love that it it grew you to do like it grew this podcast

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right out of that became this podcast and you know what's so incredible is I have more guests on and have more conversations so much of the work if

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people are working in the space it's born out of their own experience and it's born out of this desire to help and

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share and maybe you know I said earlier like if I can save one little heartbreak

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or hard moment for somebody I want to do that and I want to pay it forward in a way that you know maybe I didn't have

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because I didn't know people that were freezing when I was doing that so I I love that and I love that your your

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podcast was born from that moment that's amazing and it's so it's so helpful I want to back up to

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25 right so if this is sort of the the timelines that were told to you like

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emotionally can you share more emotionally about how you felt when you didn't meet those Milestones like were

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you weren't you know married and with two children at 25 I think 25 felt less

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scary than 30 if I'm completely honest because for some reason and I've talked to so many women on my podcast about

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this I think women are so afraid of turning 30 I think we're told that like basically we have until 35 to have

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children and then that's a wrap for us and so I think 25 you're like okay I still have a shot at things but 30 if

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you're not with someone and you don't like I don't if if I decide to have kids like I don't know who the father of my

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children is going to be right now now I really don't and if you think about it you have to date you have to get engaged

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you have to get married then you have the kids like that those are a lot of things that to accomplish and they feel

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very overwhelming and so I think that I had to Grapple with the fact of I feel

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like I'm letting people down by not having found someone and being Russian

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Jewish like it was reiterated to me unfortunately culturally it's just like you know you're a therapist you know

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people are doing their best I don't have resentment towards them for making comments like people will make comments

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that like why are you still single have you found anyone are you dating someone and that breeds a lot of pressure so I

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think that it took me a really really long time to get content with where I'm

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at and I think that it took those good on paper lackluster relationships and

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being in them and seeing how deeply unfulfilled I was to understand that

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it's better to be alone and better to be single than to be really lonely in a relationship cuz that's a real thing

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like it and and yeah it's a real thing to feel alone in a relationship and it doesn't it is not this marker of success

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in the way that people tell you it is like it it doesn't you know solve

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everything when you meet these M Milestones right so if there's unresolved trauma if there's you know

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other things going on internally you know that you haven't healed or worked on meaning the partner is not going to

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solve all of those things having the baby is not going to solve all of those things and so I think it's really sold

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to us that it is these markers of success and happiness and fulfillment and then when you find yourself in those

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places and you're like well wait I'm not what like I'm not totally fulfilled it's confusing so I think it's helpful to

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like again be having these conversations to say it's not it's not everything totally and I think that now

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like in retrospect the dots connect right I can see that the Journey of it all is fueling me towards my purpose so

11:01

yes I had so many relationships that didn't work out and I went on so many dates and now I understand that I have

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this message that I want to help share with other people and it was through those experiences and me experiencing

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those things that I can help relate to people because I can tell them I I've been in the trenches I've been on the

Backlash on Social Media

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online dates I've been ghosted I've been in the relationships I've experienced heartbreak and so I understand it's like

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through the Journey that I'm really finding myself instead of through a relationship or getting married or

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having kids yeah yeah and I know we talked about this when I came on to yours

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because you know this space is new to me I wasn't a huge Instagram social media person before the podcast but I feel

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very passionate about these messages and getting you know these conversations out there and normalizing and honoring all

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these Journeys and you caught some pretty hard Flack for one of your post

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which I think just got totally misunderstood and I was like oh my gosh I don't know how you dealt with it it

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was pretty harsh yeah so what happened to me is you know obviously I have the podcast where

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I interview wonderful people and I also have a bit of like a social media presence I mean at the time I had like

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7,000 followers but I was just trying to create Tik toks to build awareness for the podcast and so I started creating

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content sharing what my life is like as a girl who is 29 and single I'm 30 today but I was 29 at the time and so I made

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this video kind of mindlessly I had gone to the Beyonce concert the night before

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I had had a couple drinks with friends um I woke up in the morning I didn't get out of bed until 10:00 a.m. and

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sometimes I'll guilt myself about being in bed till 10: a.m. but I don't have kids and I was a little hung over and I

12:48

decided I really want to make shakshuka because I had been watching real house size of New York and they had been talking about sha shakshuka and so I

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make this video and I talk about it and I say you know whenever I'm really hard on myself for not being where

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Society tells me to be that I should be I remind myself how easy my life is I

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get to wake up at 10: a.m. I get to just decide today I'm going to go to the grocery store and get a recipe for

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shakshuka and so it was just like a reminder for myself and for single people that sure you know maybe you

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haven't found the guy but you get to do all of these wonderful things and so

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this political commentator named Matt Walsh he took that and tweeted it to his 2 million followers on Twitter and um

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basically called my life meaningless he said I was too stupid to realize how meaningless my life was oh my God yeah

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yeah and and I just I think like the playing field wasn't fair like I'm I'm just like a new creator with 7,000

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followers he's got two million obviously a riled up fan base and they just started attacking me in my Tik Tok

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comments and and the way I describe it to many people is imagine you're in your bedroom you just woke up and like 500

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people just bulldoze into your door and start attacking you and saying all of these really mean things about you I

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mean the commentary varied from questions about my gender because of the size of my skull saying that I should be

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sexually assaulted that the only way I would have a kid is if God yeah yeah um

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they said that I would only have a kid if one of them sexually assaulted me um just really really horrible things I

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don't even know like the full extent of what's been said but those are the things that have been related to me or I've passively seen so immediately

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delete um Tik Tok because I just you know as someone who is well-versed in

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therapy I understand my boundaries now and so I delete the app for my phone I go to the beach with my friend and my

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cousin we had plans to go watch the sunset I knew I had to do like my meditative practices I just had to kind

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of regroup but that was this was something I'm not familiar with and the first time experiencing anything like it

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and I went home I heard from old friends who have Twitter I didn't even have Twitter at the time they said are you okay because it was trending all over

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Twitter my face was everywhere and they said just you know it's it's going to be okay just like keep your head down and

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an old friend from college who has a little bit of a social media presence on Twitter ended up tweeting in defense of

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me and giving some more explanation as to what my platform is about why I created this kind of content and once

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she did that the tide really turned I woke up in the morning yeah like Mark Cuban came to my defense

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and it was it was really like I it started to reach the people that I had intended for it to reach and it by no

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means did I intend to insult people with children I think it's wonderful to have children I was just sharing what my

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experience is like and I am someone who has constantly been hard on herself for not reaching certain milestones and it

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was just a reminder to myself that my life is easier and ways that mothers

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don't have that ease they don't have that privilege of having the ease of my life and you know mothers have meaning

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in their life that I don't have and I can't experience but this is just my lens and my point of view um and so it

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it ended up being good in the end it ended up being a good thing because it started to reach sort of the hands of

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people who feel this way and and what it made me realize is that for so long I

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thought that this was a cultural thing I thought I I have this traditional culture that I grew up in and this is

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just a Jewish Russian thing or you know even like I know you're Italian like

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this might just be a traditional culture thing cultural thing but it I realize it's very prevalent in in in US culture

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someone like Matt Walsh who lives in the midwest feels this way someone like Candace Owens who called me a stupid

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a selfish feels this way if I don't have children my life has no no

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meaning I have people constantly telling me that they're investing in cat food because of me I don't even like cats you

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know but this is the way people feel about single women who are over the age

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of 30 and so I realized it's very very prevalent and people are very judgmental

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if you don't have kid if you choose not to have kids you like a societal leper

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and so I my content is really speaking to people and telling them meeting them where they're at and telling them it's

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totally okay to live life as you see fit and whatever gives you fulfillment and meaning in your life is your business

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and wonderful I love that yeah and that's like the messages we're trying to convey too is that there is nothing

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wrong with you if you choose a different path if you haven't arrived at a milestone at a certain time there is

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nothing wrong with you at all and I love the intention of that content which is to remind women to focus on what is good

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in your life right and where the Trap that I got stuck in and I think we talked about this on your podcast is there were so many moments that I

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focused on what I didn't have yet and it completely overshadowed all the things that I have so it's really just this

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reminder to be Greatful for what you have right now and it's like to see it

Staying Grounded and Finding Fulfillment

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completely blown up in a way and perceived in a way that was not at all what you intended is really unfortunate

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but I think it speaks to you know there's still you know stigmas about women that don't want to have children

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there're still stigmas about women that are 30 something and not married or you

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know I'm not married and people might have and I you know in my relationship for eight years and we have a child together my people might have issues on

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that but you know it is about it's your life it's no one else's business and

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whatever you know fulfills you or whatever you choose and I think that's what gets so hard is that a lot of these

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messages are so ingrained and have been in so ingrained for so long that even as someone that doesn't fully buy into them

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it's still a lot of work and I'm curious to hear from you like how you stay grounded in where you are now and trying

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to drown out that noise because even when you don't buy into those things I think and I can speak for myself like

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you can kind of get like pulled that way sometimes and it you know kind kind of having to always come back and be

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grounded in like no this is my timeline this is my journey and um I want to kind of hear how you do that for yourself

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yeah I mean it's interesting timing because a couple days ago I posted a Tik Tok saying that I was struggling with

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being single and I had just come off of like a two-month journey of feeling

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really ENT I mean this happened a few months ago the Matt Walsh Saga and I felt more and more fulfilled in my life

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and deeply rooted in my message of being single however I'm human and I think

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that human connection connection is a human need people you know people are

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just humans crave connection we want to be with someone we We crave intimacy and

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sometimes because healing isn't linear I have days or weekends or weeks where I

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struggle with it and I feel a little lonely I just moved to a new city so I don't have I have everyone I'm meeting

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are new people I you know I don't have my same Comforts and I don't have my family here and so it can get lonely um

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especially when you know you don't have a partner to be emotionally intimate with physically intimate with all of

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those things however something that grounds me and I I just know because I

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have become a deeply spiritual person that what's meant for me won't miss me I know that I am going to meet someone I'm

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a wonderful person i h i you know do all of these wonderful things in my life I

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know that that person is coming in the timing that he's meant to come in and it and once it happens it's going to be

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wonderful I just had someone on my podcast shanie silver and she had this really wonderful message of remind

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yourself that love is all around you you're you know you have a partner you've been with for eight years I I had

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just gone to a wedding a couple weeks ago where my friends are deeply in love and had this wonderful wedding we see

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love happen all the time and I know that it's going to happen for me so in the

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meantime I have to remind myself to do things that really fill up my cup I know those things for me now I call it like

Gratitude and Abundance

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my nourishment menu I love that yeah I I know that I can always fall back on

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these things whenever I'm feeling a little down so I love being I love walking in sunshine so here I live in

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Austin now there's a lake I walk it whenever I'm feeling a little down if I want to pick me up I get myself an $8

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latte I meditate I do yoga I see friends I just know that I have these resources

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available to me to fill my own cup whenever I'm feeling down does it does it it helps for sure does it cure

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everything no but usually with time everything passes I mean I felt that way two days ago and my best friend's coming

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to town in two days and I know we're going to have the best weekend ever so it's it's it's just like an up and down

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thing but I know I'm so certain that what's meant for me won't miss me and I know I'm going to find my person I love

Taking Risks and Making Decisions

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that I love that saying and I think having those little nuggets top of mine are so helpful especially in those moments when you're feeling more down uh

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someone had said to me the other day and this is stuck with me the universe is working with just remember the universe

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is working with you not against you uh and I find that so helpful as well and it's sort of these little nuggets that

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we can ground ourselves in but I love the humanness and the honesty of saying yeah I do all these things and I have

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the nourishment menu but like sometimes I have hard days and that was my journey too it's like there were days that I

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could really lean into gratitude and be really happy with what I had and where my life was at and then there were days

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where like damn I'm I'm lonely so I think that's important to share too that like yeah you can do all those things

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but there are going to be those days that are harder and that's okay too and not to like beat yourself up for it if

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you have those type of days yeah and to your point about the universe working with you I know that the Universe works

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with me more often when I am living in gratitude and abundance and when I am

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living in lack and I'm thinking why did that happen for her why isn't that happening for me my life sucks this

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sucks I hate being single the universe is like okay she's not ready she's she's totally not ready for her

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person because I how are you going to meet someone when you're feeling so shitty about life like no one wants to

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be around that energy so I try and reboot myself and and remember the

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things that I do have and remember the wonderful life I do lead and so I think that the Universe really works in your

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favor when all of those things are in play yeah and it's such a helpful reminder to pour into those things

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because those are the things like regardless of what's happening around you most of the times you have somewhat

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of control of like you can do your walks and you can do your meditation and you can make sure you prioritize those

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things and those are things that you can continue to pour into that can't be taken from you and funny story I might

Transition to Austin and Embracing Change

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have shared this with you already but like I found myself in that place of real gratitude and real acceptance and

24:08

pride where my life was like I was kind of like I'm this is great I I can kind of like I have my little condo and and

24:15

feeling really grounded in that and then I met rob a month later so I think that is just so true what you said like when

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you're in that space of of abundance and gratitude like more things are flowing your way um I love that I love that well

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I do want to talk about this move to Austin because I think it's so amazing and you know we talk a lot about you

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know fear and how fear gets in the way and like taking risks and sort of you know charting your own path which you've

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clearly done and you just made this big move so I want you to share about that I want you to share like the decision that

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went into that maybe some fears you had to move through to kind of like go for it yeah it's maybe the one of the

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scariest things I've done probably in my life so far but I also it wasn't that

25:01

hard a decision like it all kind of like fell into place but definitely scary and risky so I'm from La born and raised I

25:11

lived in London for grad school but otherwise never really left and I had

25:16

been feeling a bit stuck there I you know bought a condo I think like seven years ago now and I'd been living living

25:23

in the same like single girl condo for a bit and I have any outdoor space I had

25:29

my little place that you know obviously with covid we work from home I felt like

25:34

I was the way that I can say it is like I felt suffocated in there I was like if I didn't if I didn't leave if I wasn't

25:43

leaving the house you know like I would just like leave my bedroom go to my office and maybe take a walk during the

25:50

day I was trying to get out to coffee shops you know my office was a bit far from home but I it was always available

25:56

to me and so I just felt stuck in certain ways and I knew I wanted a

26:01

change and I was seeing someone long distance this summer it didn't work out

26:06

and once we ended things I thought you know my best friend lives in Austin I had been visiting her I feel like I

26:12

could live in Austin and so I just like went on Zillow I popped on Zillow and I I looked at short-term rentals just as

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like a let's just see what's out there and and I'm a True Believer that like your gut knows all so like the fact that

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I'm like already having these ideas pop into my mind my guts kind of telling me right so I get on Zillow I look at

26:31

short-term rentals there was one that I liked but it was a bit out of budget so I wrote to them it was just one that I

26:37

liked and it was no pressure I have my place you know like it was all good and

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I wrote to them and I said hey love your place it's a little out of budget though I'm super responsible I own my own place

26:48

in La is there any flexibility on the price like I'd be an amazing tenant and they write me back and they said hey

26:55

there's not any flexibility on the price how however we are looking to move to LA where in La do you live you told me this

27:02

amazing yeah and so I you know I live in the area that

Self-Investment and Embracing Change

27:08

they were looking in and I said why don't we home Swap and we just we

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facetimed I happened to have a mutual friend with these people God this was totally meant to be totally meant to be

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and it was like because I was grappling with the decision of being with that person and then I ended things I I feel

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like the universe rewarded me for taking that risk and just put this into my

27:32

laps long story short I my the job that I do is remote however we don't have an

27:39

office in Austin and so HR did not allow me to still work at that company and my

27:45

first feeling in my gut was I really want to move like I feel like personally I need to move however I

27:52

have a really great paying job and this is a lot of security and I'd be leaving

27:58

a really well-paying job and I sat with it for a while and I took a walk I

28:03

meditated on it and I decided I need to still go I need to like I need this change for myself and it's the scariest

28:10

thing ever and I I sat at a coffee shop like every night and I started building a coaching program and I started

28:16

reaching out to brands for brand deals and I just thought this is the time I need to invest in myself like I don't

28:23

have kids I don't have responsibilities if if not now when this literally fell

28:28

into my laps and my parents think I'm crazy they're immigrant parents who are like how are you leaving all of these

28:35

things behind you're G to you know take this risk but I just believe that without risk there is no reward and the

28:44

signs all kind of are pointing me here and Beth I've been here for a month and I feel so at ease I'm like oh I love

28:51

that I love that it's great I feel like in LA unfortunate Ely there are some

28:58

like stereotypes of people ask you like who are you what do you do there's so much of the industry here there's a bit

29:04

of superficiality here everyone is so friendly it takes me a back like I am so

29:09

taken a back by the friendliness yeah I'm sure as like a New Yorker you would also be very taken aback by it people

29:17

are so willing to connect so kind I've I've think I keep like I've gone on so

29:22

many friend dates I've lost count oh I love that's amazing yeah I've met people like on Tik Tok I mean people have been

29:29

so unbelievably kind and I just know this is where I meant to be although

29:34

it's scary like I'm soon going to be without a job that's really scary especially in this economy but things

29:41

are kind of falling in my laps and showing me glimpses of the fact that I made the correct decision for myself I

29:47

love that and I love what you said too there's no there's no reward without risk and I work with so many women that

29:53

have that feeling of stuckness or you look around and especially during Co like people were making big life

29:59

decisions and I know I worked with clients that would watch other friends make these big life decisions and they're like I'm not doing anything I'm

30:04

feeling so stuck but a lot of that is informed by so much fear right fear of not where am I going to find the income

30:11

I have this great paying job and again also you know I think ingrain messaging like my father always told me like you

30:17

you get a job you keep a job you don't leave a job until you have another job and so I his mind has probably exploded

30:22

with me because I definitely didn't do those things um but yeah I think it's you know it's all that fear and and to

30:28

move through and there's another saying I love that life happens on the other side of fear and so I'm so happy for you

30:34

and proud of you for making that risk and taking that leap and even when there was like this moment of like shoot my

30:41

job won't let me you know work remotely but I'm like you sat within and I'm G to still go I think it'd be great for you

30:48

to share is it the same that you worked at a dating app is that right are you still working at the dating so no I

30:54

worked at Tinder for six years okay okay that's and then yeah and then now I work at Spotify um and so I won't be working

31:03

there anymore um but I still want to be in the dating space I think that that's

31:09

like really where I'm at and I think like that's really what fuels me and so

31:14

I think I'm looking to try and keep myself in that space obviously I'm still creating content I have this confidence

31:21

coaching program that I launch and I have some clients there that I'm working with um and then just yeah doing brand

Unattached Autumn and Dating App Experiences

31:27

deals and creating content but scary nonetheless you'll see you'll see how

31:33

much it's already paying off right you can say in the first month like you're you're so at ease and at peace like

31:38

you'll see you'll continue to see how it pays off for you and the I know the work

31:44

you're going to do with whoever you work with is going to be so impactful because it's so obvious how impactful it's been

31:49

for you that you've been able to shift out of like this external pressure or these timelines and just really do a lot

31:55

of work to be grounded and and true to yourself and not feel the pressure and I

32:01

know when we spoke last you were off dating apps and I've obviously continued to follow you and you've been doing this

32:06

unattached Autumn so I'd love for you to speak to that and what that like that's been like for you if you're still off

32:12

the apps you know what that experience has been for sure so I launched

32:17

something that I called unattached Autumn and for me I realized that I mean

32:22

I worked at Tinder for six years I'm not against the dating apps however I think for for me what I was doing with the

32:28

dating apps is I was basically finding the same person in different clothing over and over again and I was just fil

32:34

filtering for the same person like I loved like a witty response I personally

32:39

would love to be with someone Jewish so I would just like find a Jewish guy I you know if like I liked like that he

32:47

had travel photos it was just like the same guy over and over again and so I realized that the way that I was using

32:53

them was not healthy for me um but I understand that dating apps do

32:59

facilitate really wonderful introductions I've met Partners on dating apps and that's been wonderful

33:04

for me so I created this challenge with myself of okay go meet people in real life so I decided I was going to go take

33:11

myself out to dinner sit at a bar in discomfort twice a month um I was going to do one new thing a month and I was

33:18

not going to care about what people thought of me when I was doing it and I did it in my first week in Austin and

33:26

got a date and the guy was someone I would never have gone out with on the apps totally different he was like he was he was

33:35

buying a boat to live on a boat and he lived in Seattle and he was from Louisiana super different than things

33:41

that I'm normally used to I thought he was super interesting and wonderful and lovely and I'm so glad that I met him

33:48

and I'm so glad he came up to me at the bar of the restaurant that I was eating at live update is that I redownloaded

33:55

hinge two days ago because I think I think I've had enough time I think I've had enough time with

34:01

myself and I think that what I was starting to do unfortunately was put a lot of pressure on myself every time I

Balancing Dating App Usage

34:07

went out that it was going to be an opportunity to potentially meet someone and I thought I don't want to do that to

34:13

myself it almost felt like the way I described it or compared it is I had this like dry towel that I was ringing

34:19

out and it was like it was causing this like weird desperation or or some kind

34:25

of feelings for me that I did didn't like and so this allows for a buffer I I

34:30

still am going to take myself out to dinners alone do new things go out with new people but this just allows for okay

34:37

the lack of disappointment if I don't meet someone when I'm out like just in case I'm allowing myself to have this as

34:44

a tool but I don't know that it's going to be like the way I meet someone who knows and I'm trying to stay open-minded

34:51

when I look at people as well and really read what they have on their profiles yeah no I I think that's so great

34:57

because I think that two things is like really tuning into what's working for you and what's not and whether that's

35:03

like I need to take a step back from the dating apps because I'm doing it in a way that is just like repetitive or it's

35:09

the same person in different clothes so I'm going to try this other thing and then I'm going to do this unattached Autumn and then it puts this pressure on

35:17

me and it's really about like the just tuning in what's working what's not working and giving yourself permission

35:22

to like take the pressure off or shift and you know I always look at dating as and and you know they're very

35:28

controversial people have strong opinions on them to use them to not use them how to use them I like how you said

35:34

it it's like these are all different tools and like just have an array of tools in your two box and don't be so

35:40

dependent on one thing I think dating apps can become and I'd be curious to hear what your your thoughts are

35:46

problematic when it's the only thing you're using as a way for connection or to meet people um and that you know

35:53

maybe that's not totally fair to say because I know there's people that you know are anxiously attached and that are

35:59

not super confident out in the world so maybe that's a little unfair to say but I think expanding your your your

36:05

Viewpoint or your way of meeting people is is helpful and not to be too over overly reliant on one thing is helpful

36:12

yeah I think I'm in agreement and I understand why maybe you mentioned that caveat of maybe it's not fair because I

36:18

understand I'm pretty extroverted so I feel comfortable out in the world meeting people and I know not everyone

36:24

operates in that way um but I think that it's also how you use the dating app so

36:30

as I mentioned I was just swiping on the same person over and over again if let's say something as silly and superficial

36:36

as you only like blondes maybe today you're swiping on brunettes and you force yourself you give yourself a

36:42

challenge of I'm going to force myself to match with someone and go on a date with someone that is not normally my

36:48

type and staying open to that I love that oh that's such a good technique

36:54

that's really yeah these little challenges of and and this ability to recognize where maybe you're being too Limited in your

37:02

you know Viewpoint or who you're open to dating so the awareness of like okay I only choose blonde so let me challenge

37:08

myself and and yeah I have always said I mean I love meeting people in real life I love being in real life I wish we

37:14

could be in real life right now but this is a great alternative um a lot of the people when I was single that I had met

37:20

in real life I never would have swipt on yeah because I I just had this opportunity to know them get to know

37:27

them to know their personalities but I I'm being real and honest like if I saw their picture on a dating app I I

37:33

probably wouldn't have swiped so I think the balance of both of like being in the real world and like open to who and

37:39

curious about who's out there I've always encouraged my clients like you know now we're out of Co and Co was a completely different situation but you

37:46

know scan the room like look around see who's in the bar like make eye contact and I think there's still so much value

37:52

in in real life yeah I think we've lost the ability to connect and I think that

37:59

it's like I I had three guys on my podcast the episode comes out tomorrow and they said that it's now become

38:05

really weird to approach someone at a bar and that's a shame that sucks but I know that's how you meant your partner

38:10

is that he approached the table oh yeah and what you know and I imagine maybe this still Rings true like when Rob I

38:17

started first hanging out dating like communication happened text and text only and then I saw him calling me and I

38:23

was like oh my God why this is weird like why is he calling me right now but it was awesome I'm like oh my God he

Phone Calls Before Dates

38:29

picked up the phone and called me and I remember being in a session with a this is years ago with a single guy and he

38:36

was talking about the apps and dating and communication I was like well what if you called her he goes what what do

38:43

you mean I'm like pick up the phone call pick up the phone and call her and it was like mindblowing but yeah that's

38:49

interesting to hear that it's even like escalated from that that it's like bizarre to approach someone in a bar I

38:55

know that this is maybe not popular opinion but I won't go on a date with someone unless we do a phone call before

39:01

I don't I want to hop on a call I think that I want to get that out of the way

39:06

and it I guess it could get awkward if like I don't want to per move forward on the date but I really think that a phone

Self-Love and Relationship Expectations

39:13

call tells you a lot you need to know about a person and yeah I think it's like a mandatory thing for me at the

39:20

moment yeah and that's the beauty of it right you get to decide you know how how you date who you date and yeah and I've

39:27

had a lot of clients same thing that especially during Co you know there was a lot of fear around those things and

39:32

like people would do they had to do a FaceTime first before they would like you know get out theide of their bubble

39:37

and go meet somebody so I think that's perfectly yeah I mean that's I think that's great those are great little I

39:43

love the little dating app challenge I do like the phone call before the date any other advice you can give other

39:49

women or you've given other women in like in their 30s navigating their 30s

39:55

maybe still feeling the pressure of timelines and dating like how to I guess help quiet quiet your clock quiet the

40:01

clock yeah I mean I think for me what what I had to do was I had to look at

40:09

why am I pursuing a relationship and I had to sit with that and I realized that

40:15

it was because I didn't fully love and accept myself and so I was finding someone to fill that void and so what

40:23

I'd urge someone to do is to take a second and figure out what is it that I

40:28

think that a partner is going to give me and is that something that I could potentially give myself right now and if

40:35

you can sit and pour into yourself instead I think that that is so

40:41

important and I know that there is like controversy around can you love someone if you love yourself or not or I think

40:49

it all starts with feeling really content where you're at I don't think you need to fully love yourself 100% we

40:55

don't always love ourselves 100% but I think for me so much of my ease with

41:01

being where I am was facing my shadow doing the inner child work journaling

41:06

meditating yoga for me that really was what quieted the noise and so whatever

41:14

that looks like for someone else I would pursue that over trying to find someone

41:20

to just f a void within us or to be a Band-Aid and not to face our problems

41:26

cuz think that those problems will come up later down the line and there's no

41:32

it's it's okay it's okay if you're 35 45 55 life's short and you really like you

41:40

really have to fall in love with yourself because it I I really think that like how do you want someone else

Anchoring in Self-Identity

41:46

to if you aren't even at ease with who you are yeah and I think 100% I love all

41:53

that I think that's such an important message and I think what gets challenging or potentially harmful

42:00

problematic is that when we place so much on external things or external validation and those things like I was

Clarity in Relationships

42:07

having this I had Alana done on earlier and we were talking about this too when you hang your hat on a relationship or a

42:13

job and those things go then what right so it's like really building the strong

42:18

relationship with self really working on internal validation first and then and

42:24

then the extra is just EXT ra and it's it's really really nice yeah yeah CU When that anchor like walks away and

42:31

just breaks up with you out of the blue you're like left to pick up the pieces but when you're anchored in who you are

42:37

and you know exactly who you are and someone breaks up with you you're like okay that sucked it's stung I'm going to

42:43

go through the process but I know exactly who I am yeah and I think it just helps you

42:49

also get clearer on who you're looking for when you're you're more clear on who you are and what you want and what you

42:54

need totally there's not that murkiness and you're like well I'm someone who likes doing these things and I hope that

43:01

you like them too I dated someone who hated that I watched reality TV and when he would when he would like leave the

Promoting the Podcast

43:07

room I'd turn it on and when he'd come in I'd like quickly turn it off and that's insane to look back at but now I

43:14

I almost say it to a fault like I'm like yep I watch the Kardashians I need you to know and they're like I just asked

43:19

you they're like I asked you how your day was and I'm like no no but I watched the Kardashians you need to know that and

43:25

you to accept that about me non-negotiable totally well I'm so

43:31

grateful to be connected to you and to have these conversations with you and I hope to have more and more continued

Gratitude and Closing

43:36

conversations with you I'm so thrilled for your experience in Austin and what it's been so far I'm so excited to see

43:43

what you do in this next chapter I know you will be so successful and so helpful

43:49

to so many people through your coaching um tell everybody where they can find you and find more information about

43:55

what's next for you thank you thank you so much Beth I'm so glad we're connected as well so where you can find me you can

44:02

listen to the podcast it's called pretty much done everywhere where podcasts are found Apple Spotify um my social handles

44:09

on Instagram and Tik Tok are PMD pod um and you can DM me there you can talk to

44:15

me there I respond to most messages but really just listen to the episode listen to the episode with Beth it was a really

44:21

good one um and I'm super super grateful for you having me on yeah oh my God I'm

44:27

so grateful for you for for being here for being on your podcast for like sharing your podcast knowledge with me

44:32

as this is so new but listen yes listen to her podcast she's so many amazing guests on you have solo episodes on

44:38

there that are so helpful too so check her out pretty much done is the podcast and I look forward to talking to you

44:44

more and I'm so happy to have had this conversation with you thank you thank you so much if you like the episodes

44:50

that you're hearing and you want to hear more please subscribe to our Channel and stay tuned for more incredible stories

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