Freezing in Your Forties

insurance doesn't cover it medication is out of control and even when they're

0:06

giving you coupons to get the medication at $100 off you're still looking at 3K

0:11

yeah my God yeah it's and it's so you have to really be in and I think that's

0:17

what deters people when they're younger because it's just like well this is such a huge expense

0:25

[Music]

0:35

okay so excited to have you here Lindsay thank you so much for joining us on quiet the clock we got an opportunity to talk last week so we have so much good

0:42

stuff to talk about but I want to just dive in and I know our conversation is going to take many directions but I want to start with the egg freezing part of

0:49

your journey because I think it's so inspiring it's hopeful it's reassuring because and you were very open and

0:55

honest on social media which I think is great but you froze for the first time in your 40s mhm we are freezing at 40

1:02

that's kind of what I've been hashtagging is freezing at 40 or 40 and freezing because it's not something that

1:08

many people talk about I was looking up what could I hashtag and no one's

1:13

talking about it I don't know if people aren't doing it or they're just not talking about it uh I feel like social

1:21

media kind of gives you an opportunity to share this stuff and this is something that people just maybe are

1:28

afraid of or aren't doing and are cautious and I just want or and you had this experience and I want to share this

1:35

or they're being told they can't do it in their 40s and I think that we're working to create conversations and new

1:41

understanding around what is actually possible and not just trusting a doctor that might tell us otherwise and we had

1:47

one other woman that froze in her 40s and same like she felt so passionate about sharing it and giving hope and

1:53

saying it's you know it's not too late if you're in your 40s here I did it and that's why I love that you're doing the same thing because I think it's so again

2:00

hopeful and informative to say hey it doesn't mean you know 35's not the cliff so if you're in your 40s and you're

2:06

still thinking you want to be a mother you want to have the option go for it and it's something I've known since I

2:12

was little that was that was the dream it hope that I get to be an actress and

2:17

TV host and do things that I love but being a mom was the number one thing

2:23

I've always wanted and as you get into your 30s and you find out you're in a geriatric pregnancy and all these the

2:30

doctors are telling you o you didn't freeze by now well well probably not going to happen for you and I just

2:36

remember breaking down and crying and calling share that experience because your doctor told you that at 34 34 I

2:43

believe she said that to me and I I kind of was numb and went silent cuz

2:51

what what does one say then okay I guess I guess it's too late because it's something that I had talked about with a

2:56

roommate in my 20s and talked to other people that had done egg freezing but

3:01

not for themselves for like egg donation oh really okay so that's the that's the

3:06

context you knew it in I didn't even know I could use I didn't think I'd have to I never ever thought I'd have to

3:13

worry about that well let's talk about that because that comes up a lot like we never imagin that we would have to we

3:18

just imagine that it's going to go the way that everybody's told us it's going to go that you're going to you know graduate college you get the job and

3:25

then you meet the person then you get married and then you have but it doesn't go that way and I think a lot of women

3:30

that well I guess the landscape is very different which I think is so amazing is that there's more conversation there is

3:36

more information I think women are making able now because of that to make decisions sooner because there's more

3:43

conversations around it doesn't always go that way so let's start talking about that let's start planning for that but I think if you hadn't for me at freezing

3:51

at 37 I never knew anyone other than one person that did it and so I was in the I have to do this I didn't think I would

3:57

have to do this I'm angry that I have to do this place but yes I think that's so important what you said because that comes up for so many women like I didn't

4:04

plan to do this like I didn't think I would have to do this and I have two girlfriends that have done it in the last couple years one that just is doing

4:12

kind of what I am where it's an insurance policy just in case it doesn't happen then I've got this backup yes and

4:19

then I have another girlfriend that did it in hopes of IVF and creating embryos

4:24

with her husband because they were having trouble and so both of them have gone through that have gone G through

4:29

the shots you know are walking me through this process and are encouraging me and in the last year that same doctor

4:37

that told me at 34 a year later they started filling out uh forms about

4:44

like um giving people feedback oh oh oh yeah bside manner like experience I

4:52

think a bunch of people had written that she was just a little Brash and harsh that's a nice way to say it and all of a

4:59

sudden I remember coming in and I had you know lost my mom had gone through a

5:04

breakup and she's like you're doing a really good job and I'm really proud of you and she just hugged me and I was

5:10

like oh my gosh you're like who is this person and then she goes oh yeah you've got plenty of time to freeze yet I'm

5:16

like what Whiplash this whole time that I thought that I didn't and I don't know

5:21

if that's really what she thought at the time or if it was just but sometimes we put so much trust in our doctors right

5:28

we're like okay if that's what they're saying that's why it's so nice now that there are so many resources there's so

5:33

many options there's you know it's so important to be with a doctor or be at a place to that you feel comfortable heard

5:41

taken care of that are advocating for you that are are instilling hope in you because it can be it's it's a hard

5:48

process so you need those people in your corner that are cheering you on and I think because then I got into a

5:54

relationship a few years ago where my partner had already snipped because he

6:00

had three kids so that was the end he was like I don't want more kids with her and that was the first thing I said when

6:06

we met I want to get married and I want to have kids if you don't want those things that's okay that's totally okay

6:12

but then you're just not for me because those are important things those are values I have I love that you you say

6:17

that upfront I think a lot of women sort of go back and forth in deciding when it's appropriate to say that and I think

6:24

you know when talking to someone you know if it's just fun and you're being silly and you're going to on a few dates

6:30

and it's not really going to go anywhere but six 6 hours into conversation that

6:35

we had been talking for 6 hours that night after we' Met it kind of came up it was like all right well we clearly

6:41

get along well and he was like I'm all in absolutely and I said and he goes but

6:48

I had a vasectomy I said well I guess you'll figure it out yeah so I want to

6:53

yeah cuz that that sort of relationship plays into your timeline cuz I want to kind of walk through like 34 the doctor

6:59

tells you too late a year later it's a different thing now you're 35 so from 35 yeah okay

7:05

yes now I'm 35 and she's telling me yeah so 35 to did did you think about it in

7:11

those years at all I I think well then Co hit right so all of a sudden this

7:17

happens and I can't even really go in for my appointments and it's like well maybe I do have a little bit more time

7:23

she told me I had time so I'm like okay I I have time I'm going to meet someone I meet someone you start dating and it

7:29

kind of kind of like goes good and then you just kind of pull back and you're like it's it's going to happen I'm not

7:34

going to have to do this it's going to happen and then I meet someone where it physically can't happen because it's

7:42

it's impossible that this is what we're going to have to do whether it's creating embryos whether it's freezing

7:48

eggs we're going to have to go through IVF at some point extracting sperm I'm going through all these things figuring

7:54

out how can we do this right how is it actually Poss physic possible and I'm

8:00

ready to do that because this is what I want for the future and I just I don't want to wait we're not in a place right

8:06

now to get married and try and do this so better to freeze now and have these

8:12

and have the embryos because it's way better to have that yes yes than to just have the eggs because once then the

8:18

doctor tells you oh well we're hoping for 15 to 25 but by the time we check

8:23

them you might only have 10 and then you freeze them and you unfreeze and then you might only have three

8:30

one only genetically is good and you're like yeah you go yes yeah the whole the

8:36

whole Hope just completely knocks and as I'm 40 the odds and the percentages just

8:44

go down and it's like it's disheartening yeah cuz you just feel like wow if I had just done

8:50

this 15 years earlier why didn't I do that and coming up with the money then was is just as difficult as coming up

8:57

with the money now it doesn't matter because it's so so expensive so expensive it's insurance doesn't cover

9:02

it medication is out of control and even when they're giving you coupons to get

9:08

the medication at $100 off you're still looking at 3K yeah my God yeah it's and

9:14

it's so you have to really be in and I think that's what deters people when

9:20

they're younger because it's just like well this is such a huge expense yeah and and if I if you're holding The

9:26

Narrative of like I don't think I'll need it then you're struggling with that piece of it it's like well am I going to spend $5 $20,000 if like I don't even

9:33

come back and use these eggs you know and so it's so hard and I know a lot of women share that narrative myself too

9:39

for raising at 37 I mean I was happy with what I got but I also said I wish I

9:44

had done this sooner and I think if I

9:49

had broached that conversation with my mom yeah let's talk about your she

9:55

probably would have said do it I'll help you in any way I can and I lost my mom in

10:02

2015 and in a tragic way and she was just my best friend talk to her every

10:09

single day five times a day she got emails on every single boy I had ever dated pictures the whole thing she

10:16

wanted to know what was going on and to her at a certain point after a breakup she said to me Lindsay just have kids

10:23

don't worry about getting married anymore just have kids I I I don't care because I want you to have kids and it's so important to me and Dad and I are at

10:30

dinner right now and we're looking over at that table over there and they've got grandkids and I'm like well that's never

10:36

going to my dad goes well that's never going to happen for us oh and like joking about it because they really do

10:42

want it and they know that that means so much to they know you really want it yeah they know you really want it so we

10:48

I hadn't I mean that's been 9 years almost now since I lost her it'll be 9 years in December go so it wasn't

10:54

something that I talked about because I figured I'm still in my early 30s it doesn't matter it's not going to matter

11:00

it's going to happen I kept saying Mom it's going to happen don't worry it's going to happen yeah yeah and then you

11:06

just your whole life shifts and now my dad is taking on the role that the relationship my mom and I had and it's

11:14

not the same one of the things that yeah you had said when you when you and I had spoke and you know you I love that you're so open on social media and that

11:20

you've been sharing and a lot is talking about your dad's help and involvement and you know you which you like you're

11:27

like my mom would have just known like I would you have to like kind of tell your dad and he is helpful but your mom you

11:32

said your mom would have just known what to do my mom was so I mean 1,200 people

11:38

signed to the guest book at her funeral 1 1200 in a town of 6,000 it it like everybody's there she was just everybody

11:46

has such wonderful things to say and they still I still get comments and messages on Facebook when I post for her

11:51

birthday or for you know anniversary like people are just like they loved her

11:57

she was just that person that everyone could count on so no matter what if I felt sick I remember getting food

12:03

poisoned she like do want me to just fly out I can just fly out and take care of for a couple days no Mom don't do that

12:09

then Meanwhile my dad's going I'm telling him hey I'm going to start this medication I've got to be really calm I

12:15

can't work out can't have wine I've got all these restrictions on me I just need

12:21

you to be there for me I I can't really cook your dinner and take care of you the way that I can and he's looking at me like I have six heads like what do

12:27

you mean he's like what do you mean you're not going to take care of me the way that I always do no dad you're here to take care of me and I'm trying to

12:33

like learn how to set boundaries with him and he ended up being really helpful he came to acupuncture and even said I

12:40

think that I saw how much it helped you I I think maybe I could do that and then he was there and he videoed me doing a

12:47

couple of the shots and was able to watch and at the very least encourage

12:53

yeah I think having anyone there support you is so important whoever that's going to be I think it can be you know I guess

13:00

it's also it's also so personal some people feel really empowered some women feel empowered to do it on their own and that journey is very important for them

13:07

some people need and I think really it's about identifying what you need and who you need whether it's a support system where it feels important to do it

13:12

yourself but getting really clear on that as you go into the process I not think I didn't think I'd have to do it

13:18

alone yeah the breakup I had ended in September and in October I just decided

13:24

I'm moving forward with this how happy are you that you made that decision though to still move still move forward

13:30

I'm I'm so glad it's very hard for me I am a strong and independent woman but I

13:37

love having someone be a part of my life whether it's girlfriends whether it's friends whether it's family whether it's

13:44

my partner and knowing I'm taking control and doing this for me because at

13:51

the end of the day it's for me MH I'm so glad that I did that but obviously

13:56

really hard to not have the person that I thought I was going to spend well that

14:01

was my life with yeah that's what you thought the plan was and it's I think that's what gets so hard and it's even everything we're saying about I didn't

14:07

think I would have to do this is like we have a vision for our life or we have a vision that we would ideally like our

14:13

life to go and often times it's not that vision and I think some of the work is

14:18

accepting that it looks different than we thought shifting and navigating and looking at what we have and and just

14:25

changing the vision we've had so many guests on here and I think that's such incredible advice is like you'll get the vision it will probably look different

14:31

than you thought and just accepting that it looks different is really hard it's almost like a Choose Your Own Adventure

14:37

book instead of reading straight from the beginning to the end you've got to change Pages you've got to shift you've

14:45

got to adapt to whatever circumstance it is losing my mom was the biggest loss of

14:51

my life and it is still there are Still Moments where it's hard and then there

14:56

are moments where I'm walking into a friend friend's house and a hummingbird comes down and I say oh that's my mom

15:03

cuz I always feel like whenever I see hummingbirds it's her and I walked into that friend's house in Arizona and

15:09

they're like we never have hummingbirds oh my gosh I love that so much and I told my really close girlfriend when we

15:15

were working I I mentioned it and she's kind of got a little bit of a sick sense and she's she sees things and she was

15:23

wait that was your mom she just she just told me that was your mom she felt it go oh chills and

15:29

I when I get those moments I know I'm doing the right thing I know I'm moving forward in the right way but it's not

15:37

it's so hard easy yeah it's not easy I think that there's it confronts you in so many ways there's so many narratives

15:42

that come up there's so many emotions that come up you know I did do it with a partner and for me that was really hard

15:49

I because we're not we were not Al I mean and everything worked out and it's worked out beautifully like the vision was different but the V the vision I

15:56

Live Now is beautiful but being with a partner that wasn't ready or ready to do

16:01

embryos or ready to have a baby and freezing was really really hard for me but again everybody's journey is unique

16:07

and different so I say all that to say it's like every emotion is going to come up while you do this every single emotion you're going to feel empowered

16:13

you're going to feel angry you're going to feel frustrating it's like normalizing all those emotions well and imagining too I mean you're you're

16:20

freezing all these hormones oh yeah you're injecting all these hormones and you're just try and then they're telling

16:25

you like I said I love to work out I work out five days a week I like to have a glass of wine when I'm cooking dinner so you're taking away all the things

16:32

that help make me feel a little bit more at peace and calm but I did really

16:38

really feel the acupuncture helped talking to my girlfriends having the encouragement from them it's the I told

16:46

you this when we originally talked I occasionally would mention this someone would say oh when I work at the wine bar

16:52

I was spitting that day which was the first time I've really really truly just

16:58

in wine if you're you're doing a lot of tasting you're going to end up spitting and it's the first time I just I spit

17:03

the whole shift and it was wonderful because I've now I think learned fully how to taste and not drink wine and this

17:11

younger girls had asked what are you doing and I said I but oh I'm this is

17:16

probably TMI but I'm freezing my eggs and I'm not supposed to drink and they're like wait what tell me more yeah

17:22

and they wanted to hear about it and I encouraged both of them I said I know that it seems really expensive but if

17:28

this is something you want down the road do it now while you can because your egg Health just declines as you get older

17:35

and the opportunities Decline and before they left they you know said

17:40

congratulations this is so amazing this is so cool for you that you're doing this and and we wish you all the best of

17:45

luck and it was like thank you so much and they started to walk out and the girl came back in and goes I just want

17:51

you to know like thank you for sharing that like what you're doing is is really empowering yeah and like it is the

17:58

random people that because I have posted on social media the people that occasionally I would go and visit the

18:04

bar I used to work at men coming up to me and going that's so cool Lindsay

18:10

that's so cool that you're doing that I'm wishing you all the luck I love that support tell me about just some of the responses you got on social media

18:15

because you had been so open and it's I think it's hard being from the Midwest you don't share all these things

18:23

so my dad is going why are you telling all these people this why are you doing this I'm going because I'm hoping if I

18:29

can help one person do this that's then I did yeah especially right the you know

18:34

the freezing in your 40s it's like there might be women on there that got told the same thing or just thought it it was too late and it's like no it's not too

18:41

late it's not too late it's not too late and I mean then you hear stories too and my my current doctor uh Pacific

18:48

Fertility is telling me I just want you to know but there are people that come in and they are older and it happens for

18:53

them and they conceive naturally after or a girlfriend that I worked with saying we tried for 2 years to have

19:01

babies and could not and we did all the right things and we could not and finally it happened for us and they had

19:07

twins and then she goes and then I'm not ovulating I'm drinking and I just got

19:13

pregnant I know there's so many stories like that too yeah so don't change your whole life to make something happen

19:21

because it it it may not it may not change anything it might just happen

19:26

just I think that's a struggle too like what you were saying about you know there's all these what you can cannot do

19:32

and I think that gets really stressful because here here are the all these things that I do to relieve stress and now you're saying I'm going through this

19:37

insanely stressful process and I can't do these things and it's just trying to find that moderation or that balance of

19:44

like taking care of yourself I think it's hard too because there's so much in this process I'm curious what you feel about this that like you can't control

19:51

and I think often we want to we want to grasp to the things that we can control so we want to do all the right things we

19:58

want to follow all the rules but then that becomes stressful too because those are the things you can control I can

20:03

control I'm not going to get my heart rate above 140 I can take 2hour long walks every day I don't have to drink I

20:09

can control those things I can eat healthy and go to bed early and do acupuncture to get myself in more of a

20:15

calm and peaceful state but at the end of the day if my body fails me my body

20:21

fails me or if that cycle does not work because I don't have enough

20:27

follicles I could have done everything everything right and it doesn't matter yeah yeah and I do think stress plays a

20:34

huge role in this and even though I'm proud that I started to go through with the process because now I

20:41

feel more prepared for this next one when I do go into my next phase doing

20:46

this weeks after a breakup a week after finding out that someone has a partner

20:52

already like a week after you talk and you're like we were supposed to be at this event together God together

20:59

celebrating and you're talking about the new girl you're seeing already oh my God and just finding it out going okay nope

21:06

I'm not gonna let this affect me just going to I am good I am I'm strong I can do this and and having my acupuncturist

21:13

go I think maybe we need to heal your heart I know let's work on that a little bit and I'm traveling for work and I'm

21:20

I'm just trying to maintain a balance and stay stressfree but there are a bil

21:26

life life is happening life life is happening and we are just making do and going for how we

21:33

can if you're someone struggling or relating to the topics that we're talking about now and you're feeling the

21:38

anxiety or the stress or the pressure of feeling like you're running out of time you're behind and you want some extra

21:45

support check out my group therapy practice in Midtown Manhattan NYC therapeutic Wellness we have an amazing

21:52

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21:59

to help you feel like you're just exactly where you need to be so check us out at

22:04

www.nyc therapeutic wellness.com tell me let's talk about just what that

22:10

first experience was like for you like how did you do with the medication how did you deal with the shots what was

22:17

yeah what was the I know I've seen it all on social media but let's share it here like as I as if I don't know it's so daunting because you're thinking

22:25

you've got three medications you want to mix everything proper L you don't want to mess anything up I went over it with

22:31

two different nurses then you've got videos you can watch and you know my girlfriend calls and says this one's

22:37

going to burn just so you know do that one last and and so you kind of know the order and that first initial shot you're

22:43

like am I do am I doing this am I really going to inject myself with something

22:49

what this is something I never ever thought that I would do you know and you do it and you're like

22:55

oh okay that that wasn't so bad do the next one and the next one and you make it through and you go I can do this

23:02

and then you switch sides the next day because you don't want to do the same side the next thing you know you got bruising and I'm like it doesn't hurt

23:09

I've just got bruising here and it becomes easier I was shocked at how easy it was I've never been I had that same

23:15

experience I was yeah and I think that's important to talk about too because in our minds we build things up and we we

23:21

like make them more than they are I I I hate needles I'm afraid of needles but I had the same experience I did the first one and like the first two nights I'm

23:28

like okay that this is not that bad this is not I can do this it's and I've never

23:33

been a person that's worried about needles I watch when they take my blood oh God I can't do that and they're like they're telling me Oh you're like a

23:38

racehorse you must work out a lot because you're it's you're just coming out my dad meanwhile needs to be like laid down cannot talk about it he has to

23:45

like look away from it that's me that's me so it wasn't as I think because I'm

23:51

not as weird about it but it is just the idea that you are injecting yourself but then there is an empowering status I

23:57

just did this mhm I am I'm doing this on my own no one is helping me no one is sitting because if my mom was here she

24:03

probably would have said to me if you need me to I'll inject you with it yeah I had Rob do all my shots you had him

24:09

yeah well I didn't want him to because I was just you know I was going through my own stuff and my frustrations and my

24:15

anger and it's you know not healthy but I was like I him I don't want him to be any part of it and my therapist at

24:21

the time was like I think you should include him I think you should make him a part of this and I I listened to her and I'm so thankful that I did and but

24:27

that was really the only reason someone else was like well hey wait a minute let's think about this differently and so yeah he was and he was like a

24:33

freaking like scientist mixing all the things and it took that one piece off of it for me because I you know it is it's

24:38

nerve-wracking you want to make sure you do it right and measure it right what needs to be refrigerated and so I didn't I just you know stood there and took the

24:45

shot and I didn't have to do any of that so that was really really nice but I wasn't really open to that at first but

24:50

you changed because someone told you hey in and are you glad that you did that

24:55

100% glad I did 100% glad I did and glad that my dad was out here even though it was stressful because he encouraged okay

25:02

you know like let's eat healthy let's go to bed early you know don't drink do do you do you want to drink and even after

25:10

I really kept true with the continu at healthy not it's actually curbed my

25:16

drinking to an extent in Wisconsin you walk into someone's house and they hand you an old

25:22

fashioned it is just what happens um or a beer whatever it is and I was like no

25:28

I'm good I don't I don't need to and I'm glad and the workouts I feel like I'm in

25:33

a healthier Place amazing after that breakup I knew I would lose weight just from stress but I feel like I'm

25:39

healthier my skin started to clear up because I think there was so much stress going on in the last couple months that

25:45

I was holding on to inflammation all these things you read your body keeps score it reminds you and lets you know

25:53

maybe this isn't working maybe this wasn't the best your body will tell you your body will tell you yeah and I just

25:58

released all of that and while I'm still working on healing my heart and my mind I feel like I'm in such a better place

26:05

and there's hope and there's hope for this next cycle because something that I did share was going in after starting

26:11

medication finding out follicle count giving projections and then going in

26:16

with a different doctor because my doctor was sick saying you have two follicles and oh what was that like to

26:23

hear that you you hold it in cuz you're just why am I doing all this yeah how am I

26:30

spending all this money why am I doing all this to not even potentially have a chance yeah to to have two and then you

26:38

know my nurse um that was specifically with me you know the doctor left the

26:43

room and she came up and she's like it's okay it's going to be okay like we're going to figure this out Lindsay and you

26:49

know I got back with my regular doctor and it count was lower which how does the count get lower if I'm taking

26:55

medication and this is again complely out of my control there's nothing I can

27:00

do I'm doing everything to make sure that I can and my girlfriend had said

27:06

she had gone through with a retrieval when her count was low and she goes don't don't do that wait if you can and

27:15

so I just had to pay the out- of- pocket costs for the uh blood work and for the

27:20

ultrasounds but because I'd already paid for the egg retrieval I'm not losing anything of that it's buying more

27:26

medication again yeah but essentially everything's still banked and ready for me when the time is right so you did

27:34

decide not to go through with the I decided I I she told me I had a certain amount under a certain size mhh and it

27:42

probably wasn't going to get much better yeah and rather than go through and only

27:48

get a few I said let's just wait let's wait for another cycle which I think it's so amazing because that and when we

27:54

talk about quieting the clock and running out of time that can be a really hard decision to make and I Shar with

27:59

you when we spoke like my impatience was a disservice to me and I I think that that's so smart and brave of you to make

28:08

that decision to say hey I want to take a time out pause here and set myself up

28:14

for success I think that can be really hard but I think that's great that you were able to do that I think if my

28:20

girlfriend hadn't told me that I probably would have just went through with it and that's the beauty of

28:26

the of the support and having the conver Sation where you have somebody that's been through it then could say hey why don't you think about this or hey this

28:32

was my experience you know because I think for again for me my impatience drove me and I I should have waited but

28:40

I it's so nice to have other women just share and support and I because she had said I had so few this time but the next

28:48

time I had 25 see how encouraging is that I mean and we're talking hers

28:53

doubled yeah so knowing that that's a possibility and my doctor when I spoke to her over Christmas had said we're

29:00

probably not going to get that many Lindsay your levels are lower you are older than she was we probably aren't

29:08

going to get that many but there is a chance that we're going to get more than we thought with that last one and then

29:14

again said this is why we don't do multiples because someone did this it was the last of the the last that she

29:20

had she only got this money and then she ended up with twins and so this is why we don't do that anymore because we just

29:26

we want to make sure that we're con ating and focusing on just getting the right egg so you know I'm on caen and

29:34

royal jelly and taking prenatal vitamins ones with extra DHA to make sure at the

29:40

very least if I only get 10 man those eggs are going to be strong little pals

29:46

ready ready for whatever we're how did you learn about all those supplements because I think that's a lot of what we

29:52

don't know too or at least what I didn't know like all the different supplements all the different ways you can be eating

29:59

you're doing acupuncture I think that's amazing we had an acupuncturist on here earlier like how did you learn about all

30:05

these other things that can put support you in this process part of this was talking to that girlfriend that had

30:10

already gone through a couple because my other girlfriend hadn't done I don't know if she' done any of the vitamins or supplements and I'm not sure she even

30:17

did the uh acupuncture she just did it and it all worked out it was it seemed

30:22

very easy she said the uh actual retrieval was very very difficult on her body and they said it's only you'll be

30:28

fine within 24 hours she said that was really tough on her my other girlfriend that is married doing the embryo

30:34

freezing and everything she didn't say that that was such a big thing but she had done so much research on this so she

30:42

was sending me articles she was saying when you meet your doctor ask the success rates do this if you have

30:47

questions ask them ask them your questions right off the bat so when I went in I was prepared with questions

30:53

that I had looked up that she had given me and before I even won and I was like I'm getting on uh prenatal vitamins

31:00

because this is only going to help me and then going through with this initial process uh my girlfriend had also

31:06

mentioned some of the supplements and then my acupuncturist pushed for these and said get them this is just really

31:12

going to help with the egg health so now having two people and then discussing

31:17

with my doctor going okay can we do this yes and then she put me on estrogen to

31:23

try and help ramp up in between because prior to me starting this process at 40

31:32

years old I've been on birth control for 21 years oh my gosh yeah that's a whole

31:37

another conversation about the birth control and so to be taken off of it it's the first time my body has not had

31:43

that and I'm going I don't want to get back on it now I want to stay off of

31:48

that to give my body the full time to reset get ready especially now if I'm

31:54

doing another retrieval yes do that and because of timing because of Insurance

32:00

I'm all of a sudden off the estrogen and I have a breakthrough bleed and they're telling me well now the timing isn't

32:06

going to be the of the next retrieval isn't going to be the same because I got my period when it probably wasn't

32:13

supposed to then I've got to start birth control for a short amount of time and I'm going I don't want to be on birth control at all I want to just I'm hoping

32:20

all this times and then going as my acupuncturist said you just got to let

32:26

it go the acupuncturist this is just you have to accept that this is what's

32:32

happening and it's okay that's the hard part but you have to accept it how do you accept yeah what you the unknown of

32:39

what you don't know that are am I going to do the same thing again am I going to go in and they're going to tell me you only have five

32:46

follicles what do I do do I wait again yeah the unknown is so hard like you

32:51

said earlier like the the investment is so much not just financially it is huge financial but your body your emotions

32:57

and all these things and you you put this huge investment in without knowing what the return at all is going to be on

33:02

on the investment and it's so hard to sit in that unknown it's so emotional it's so unsettling it's really really

33:10

really really hard and that's why it's so important to have support it's so important to like what you're doing and sharing and paying it forward and it's

33:16

it's it's yeah it's it's going to be hard no matter what and it's something

33:22

this is my insurance policy I hope that it works out with

33:28

There's Hope for the future there are other fish in the sea there are other opportunities and just believing that

33:35

maybe this won't even matter but all it takes is one it's just one egg that

33:42

could possibly work Heck if I only get one really good one and that works then I that's all that's really going to

33:48

matter and knowing that you knowing that you were willing to do this and knowing that you are making

33:55

these choices as hard as it is to potenti preserve the option for motherhood

34:00

whether you have to use these eggs or not and that was the biggest decision factor for me cuz I felt all the things that you felt I left like my consult at

34:06

37 and they were like you're old these are your you know numbers and I was just like why the am I going to do this

34:11

this is ridiculous like it's so much money I didn't have the money I put it on a credit card and I felt the same it's like what I was like what the

34:18

is the point and finally I was just like I don't want to regret not trying and that's I think that is the biggest thing

34:24

to hold on to too is just like I know I've tried and it's in the trying and you like let

34:30

go of the outcome and you just stay in the trying because that's what we do have control of and that's it's just I

34:36

have to try it I have to have it I have to have it just in case and if it

34:41

doesn't work out I don't even know that if I if I got to the point where I can't have kids or or or I'm it's that late I

34:49

don't know if I'd actually or was doing it on my own I don't know if I'd actually do it on my own I have so many

34:54

of my girlfriends are like if there is one person in this world that can literally have a baby and

34:59

support it by herself lindsy it's you like are you joking all the things that have happened in your life you can you

35:06

are the one person that I believe in that could do this on your own and you would figure it out and maybe they all

35:12

right about that but I don't know if I really want to do that yeah I I had the same thought I had I have friends that

35:18

have done it on their own and I you know I didn't know whether Rob and I would align and before everything you know

35:25

played out the way that I did and I thought about that too but you never say never you never know where life is going

35:31

to go or how you're going to feel and had we not aligned would I have made that choice I I might have you know my

35:36

desire to be a mother got so big um and we were talking before we started recording about like the marriage piece

35:42

and and that we we are not married and for me I would like that but just having

35:48

the babies was more important to me like my desire to do that was just the priority and I think that speaks to like

35:53

it can look any way you want it to and I can right because the timing is really

35:59

what matters having the baby there is essentially a clock on that there I can only reverse time so much in a certain

36:06

way by being healthy and doing the right things but at the end of the day when I don't have when I hit menopause well

36:13

there's nothing we can do but the the thing that I'd always talked about with partners because like I said to you I

36:21

say right away do you want kids do you want to get married because those are really important things to me and

36:28

I've also brought up the fact with ex's I hope I can have

36:33

kids but it's up to the man upstairs he's the one deciding whether I can so

36:38

even though I can say I want this I want this for us I want this for me it may not happen so are you open to adoption

36:46

oh I I want to know I need to be a mother in some capacity I need to be a

36:52

mother so if it doesn't happen in what would be considered a natural I guess or

36:58

even chemistry science kind of way knowing that I can then take care of

37:03

somebody else and become a mom in some that's that's it love that yeah we've had that message resonate so many times

37:09

on here which I think is beautiful that if you want to be a mother and you want to have a family you will and it's just

37:14

about how you will and we talked about this and your mother sounds so wonderful and I said this to you when we first

37:20

talked is you've had such an amazing model of what it means to be a mother so you are meant to be a mother and you'll

37:26

be amazing mother mother because you had a great model I I think that that is it it's it's having the mom that I had that

37:33

I want to get to raise someone and tell them all the things about their their

37:40

grandma that's not here and do the things that my mom did for me and I did

37:45

get to experience some of that with my ex as he had three kids and have an

37:50

extremely close relationship with them where they can call me they can talk to

37:56

me about things you know it's it's moving in together oh well you'll be the second mom and just getting to have that

38:03

and experience that was that was the best two years it it's almost harder

38:09

losing them of course but but a great way for me to go y I'm in that's it I

38:15

need I need this further Val yeah further validation that no I I meant to

38:20

I'm meant to be a mom in some capacity whether it's taking on a stepmother role or having kids of my own or adopting

38:27

whatever it may be because it's just that is like I said that is what I've always wanted to do more than anything

38:34

else I love that so just quickly share where you're at now when does it look like you'll start your next so we are uh

38:42

prepping for potential medication start March 1st okay I'm on the road for work

38:49

for the next two 3 weeks and oh my God and you just got back here I just got back I leave I leave I go to Chicago

38:56

Dallas Denver and I'm all of a sudden back and then I have a big three almost

39:01

four- week window okay I'm back so come in do our Baseline ultrasound at the end

39:06

of this month and then March 1st start medication and they've got me on a plan

39:12

an ultrasound set and hopefully you know the week of I think it's the 11th to the

39:18

15th is when we would do an egg retrieval barring everything goes as planned and I'm not opposed again if we

39:26

are seeing small numbers waiting another month good for you because I just want to make sure that

39:31

we've got it right I don't know third time I might be like well we're just going to go in with this but I'm hoping

39:37

that you're in such a different place you're you're in such a different place and I think that's like so important

39:44

where you started where you went in the first time to where you are now sounds so tremendously different that I am

39:52

super hopeful that it's going to go way differently than it did I think so too I think the

39:58

healing my heart and being out of the stress of that initial which just is no is no good but

40:05

you got to do what you got to do yeah so I'm glad that I took that opportunity and now I do feel like I'm approaching it in a much healthier better place

40:14

inside and out ready for everything to align and work I just love your your

40:21

optimism I love your like holding on to the Hope even though it's been hard I love what you're sharing because it kep

40:27

can be hard to hang on to hope I love your openness to however you're going to be a mother you know you'll be a mother

40:33

and I just it's so important it's so important to put that sentiment out there to put that energy out there

40:39

because it can be so hard so I appreciate all that you're doing you'll have to say we we'll certainly stay in

40:45

touch I'll be texting you like what's going on how's it how's it all going before we wrap up is there anything else

40:50

that you would want to share with the audience something that you learned something that you were surprised about something that you will do different

40:56

going in this time something you feel like you know has really helped you that you could pay forward even more than you

41:01

already have I do think you know following rules is great it's it's a

41:07

it's a good Baseline but it also everybody is different so if that means you have a

41:13

glass of wine in the middle of this process cuz I said you can have four to six drinks a week I just chose not to

41:19

yeah because I just didn't I wanted to give myself the best possible thing but maybe that wasn't the best possible

41:25

thing maybe having a glass of wine once week will actually help me so doing what

41:30

feels right for you and just trusting in the process because it's going to work

41:36

whether or it's not but no amount of of you tweaking your whole lifestyle to

41:42

make sure that everything is just perfect that adds that adds the that adds the stress and I think that's the

41:49

big thing if you can truly cut down on the stress that that is where I would say

41:55

that and to encourage people find a way if you are younger to pay for it because

42:03

my dad helped me yeah pay for this and I'm now going through almost a second

42:09

round so it's like another set where it's like well this is this is beyond my responsibility now at this point but my dad definitely helped me but finding a

42:15

way whether it is borrowing whether it is putting it on credit whatever you can do yeah to do this when you have the

42:22

best chance with the highest results when it's like the two women you saw in

42:27

the bar it's like you just giving them that information sets them up for success and now they have that little

42:34

information to start looking into themselves and fortunately I think there's progress happening there's more benefits there's more companies offering

42:40

it an insurance and like if you're 20s something and you're looking for jobs see if they have fertility benefits yeah

42:45

there's a way if there's a will there is a way and even if those two girls that I talked to are in their mid 20s and are

42:52

going ah we don't need to worry about this just yet but hit that early 30s and go you know I'm just going to do just

42:57

now yeah remember that still it's still better now than waiting and I do think

43:04

taking the opportunity at 40 I'm glad I'm doing this I'm so glad you're doing this I'm so glad you're sharing this

43:09

it's just again it's so hopeful I will be thinking of you every step of the way and just sending you all and I know your

43:16

mom is there with you she's there with me she's encouraging yes she's waiting to be a grandma Yeah I just had one of

43:22

my very very best friends she did multiple rounds of egg freezing she she just had her first daughter a handful of

43:28

days ago and she also had lost her her mother and her mother shows up as rainbows and through her pregnancy she

43:35

just always were always like pennies up there working her magic and this everything along the way rainbows and

43:40

she did IVF and they implant and she just had her daughter and it's so funny because she is her brothers all have

43:46

boys there's all boys there's no girls and she had and she didn't know the sex until she gave birth and we're all like

43:52

of course it's a girl Penny wanted a girl she worked her magic so and she's 4 turning 44 she just had her first baby

43:59

it's it's all possible and like you said you're seeing the signs the fertility the prenatal vitamins I open them up

44:06

there's a hummingbird on the label it's like I didn't pick I didn't pick it

44:12

because I didn't even know because it's on the when you open the case up and then you have to pull the oh my God she

44:18

she's there she's Penny's there they're they are there with us along the way and

44:24

I just try and really keep my heart open to all those moments and stuff and I share those things with my dad because

44:29

my dad and I are really close and he encouraged and checked in today and was like okay so explain to me what's going

44:35

on today what are we doing because he does want to be involved it's just he's just a very very different kind of

44:42

person than my mom was but having the support whoever it is whether it is

44:48

family whether it is a partner whether it is friends I am so grateful for my my

44:54

girl tribe I'm part of your girl Tri now yeah I'm

44:59

going to be checking in with you and and just I wish I'm wishing you all the best that is because those are the people

45:06

that are there forever yeah well I appreciate you I'm so grateful to have you here and for you to be sharing your

45:11

story and we are going to be staying in touched thank you so much for having me of course I think it's no secret that I

45:17

love the little words projects bracelets I have about six or seven on my arm ones

45:22

that have been given to me ones I've bought myself I love giving them as gifts I think they're so inspirational

45:28

for me personally they're nice little reminders throughout my day to have hope to be you know have strength to be in

45:35

good energy I just love the bracelets so much I love giving them I love receiving them and if you want to check them out

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and you want to give it as a gift or get one for yourself you can use our code QTC for 15% off your first order if you

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like the episodes that you're hearing and you want to hear more please subscribe to our Channel and stay tuned for more incredible stories and

45:58

when I froze my eggs at 37 I felt alone I felt unsure I felt confused and

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uncertain and when you're considering such a big decision feeling those ways do not feel good so we have created a

46:12

stepbystep guide to egg freezing so no one else has to feel that way if you are considering egg freezing if you're

46:19

curious about what the process looks like or what you should be thinking about then this guide is for you we were

46:25

really thoughtful and how we put put it together I think it's a great guide I think it's really comprehensive and

46:31

covers a lot of the things to be thinking about to be considering and maybe some things you didn't even realize you should be thinking about or

46:37

considering um the goal is to not let have anyone feel alone in this journey

46:43

so if you again if you're thinking about this decision sign up through our website quith clock.com and make sure to

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