Creating Embryos With Your BFF: The Ultimate Friendship Pact

it just seems like something that has been missed go go figure something

0:05

that's been like under talked about and women's health field but like I want to know how many Eggos I got are they

0:12

producing strong healthy like what can I do to feel better to what can I skip in

0:18

my early 20s so that I have a better chance at getting healthier

0:28

eggs [Music]

0:34

I just think having these conversations are so important and more that we can talk about and share and normalize is so

0:40

huge amen so we're so thrilled to have you here and in person which is so fun

0:45

um I guess we can start I'd love to start with just your decision making because you're you're very transparent

0:50

you're very open which is amazing and one of the things that you shared is that you didn't think that you or you

0:55

didn't I still today don't want kids which is very confusing for people they're like

1:02

then what is this all the comments when I started posting about this people are like what the hell happened yeah they

1:07

were like Ms I never want a kid Miss Independent miss you know and I I had

1:14

like a big wakeup call with um the just the idea of children when I got sober so

1:23

I used to be sort of known as like the internet's party girl alcoholic like drinking was my brand and you're our

1:31

third guest start to cut you off that has a journey of sobriety oh see maybe there's something to this like wake up

1:38

come to thyself that's amazing interesting I'm looking at Shell but like yeah you're and today earlier today

1:44

we had someone same during it it it's Clarity it's like a big what matters to

1:50

you what like the self inventory is what they call an AA I don't do AA but that's

1:56

what I've heard over and over again is like this searching moral inventory of yourself and what you want and things

2:01

like that and the biggest like wo moment I had was when I got sober even I didn't

2:08

believe it because I never you had gotten sober you didn't believe it never in a I would have bet all the money in

2:15

my bank account my parents bank account everyone's bank account I knew that I would never stop drinking and then I did

2:22

I was really good at drinking like most successful I've ever been most money

2:27

I've ever made like nothing was going to give me a rock bottom I almost felt Limitless and so it became a thing where

2:36

I just kept realizing with myself that nothing was going to stop me except me

2:41

like wow I wasn't ever getting in accidents I was never getting pull over

2:47

no like drama with my friends or my partners like no erratic spending or like falling down I was just really good

2:54

at it and so when I when I was able to quit it was a really powerful moment of

3:01

like I can really do anything now yeah and so once I had that realization of I

3:07

always said I was never going to quit drinking and then I did and then there were times where I was like you know I

3:12

never ever in a million years thought I was going to be someone that goes to the gym and exercises or does yoga and now I

3:17

go every day wow and there was just so many little things I started to see during sobriety like changing my eating

3:24

habits or like the type of people I surround myself with that I was like I should never say never anymore I was

3:31

just like as you're talking that's the that's the saying I'm thinking Never Say Never yeah and I just went you know what

3:37

having kids is the only thing that I could think of that has the time the time limit on it that's why it's like

3:42

quiet the clock shut up right shut up shut up clock and my mom had a really

3:48

hard time getting pregnant oh really yeah she had a she likes to call it like a flat flat tube that she had to get

3:53

root or rooted out show it says and so I knew my family always had a a history with that and that I I'm prone to cysts

4:02

too and I had um like HPV I had to get um a leap procedure like I've always

4:07

just had major [ __ ] problems and so When the Thought occurred to me like go get your egos checked I better go just

4:13

see what's up the doctor was like yeah you're fine but you know you're in your 30s now I would consider freezing now

4:20

had you ever thought like probably never thought about freezing did you know anyone that had like had every one of my

4:26

girlfriends has done it okay they all have eggs on ice or babies on Ice I

4:31

think that's amazing yeah but I was like you guys are crazy to spend all that money and do all that well that's the

4:37

real deal it's expensive and I never understood why people did it and then once I got into the world I completely

4:44

am like now the biggest Advocate which I love that you're out there talking about it so tell me like what did you feel

4:50

when the doctor said that cuz you're here you are thinking okay Never Say Never I'm going to get this checked but like I didn't consider this and now

4:57

which I think is a I don't know I guess people feel different ways about it I think it's amazing that the doctor gave

5:02

you that information because I've spoken to so many women it's like I saw so many obes and no one ever said anything to me

5:09

or said hey have you thought about this so I think that's a I I want to hear how you felt about that but I think that's

5:14

great that your doctor did that I I love my gyo she is shout out to ASV vary what

5:19

up and cver City she's amazing if you ever need a new gyo but she's the type of doctor that we were talking off air

5:25

about where like she sits and she doesn't care how long it takes I love that she will will explain everything to

5:31

you when she comes in she rereads your chart out loud to you so that you guys can go over different yeah she's just

5:36

amazing she also like found a lump in my breast recently and like got me in the next day for a skin everything was fine

5:43

it ended up being like some they call it like a complicated tumor or a complicated and I was like [ __ ] this

5:49

is rude like what do you mean but it just it ends up being really dense tissue especially women with small

5:56

chests have this so but she's just incredible very education forward and you know it egg

6:04

freezing is a bit of a privilege like it is not something everyone can do so I think she knows me she knows like my

6:11

status like she just knows me as a person to be able to know she could say something like that which is great that's because the relationship that you

6:17

have with yeah ex and then I I ended up meeting one of my best friends has a

6:23

friend who moved here from Chicago to become um a a a seweet position out of

6:29

Fertility clinic oh wow and we met at a barbecue and I just hounded him a

6:35

barbecue yeah I was like wait a second like a like a Barbie a Barbie queue we were in

6:42

line trying to buy Barbies you know those things super hot right now oh no he's a gay man and like I just

6:49

immediately fled to him and I was like tell me everything about egg freezing

6:55

and he was like why don't you come into the clinic and like I'll give you a tour you can look at all the sperm

7:00

you ended up freezing and this is how you found the pl cuz that was one of my questions is how did you choose where

7:05

you froze well I had no shortage of places with how many of my friends have done it and loved it had a great

7:12

experience but there was just something about their called Pacific Fertility Center of Los Angeles pfcla and when I

7:19

went in it was just it felt right like they care about your comfort they care

Fertility Preservation and Nutrition

7:26

about your knowledge they're very queer friendly they don't care about your relationship status they're very diverse

7:33

like it just love that yeah and you know my doctor Dr Vixen shout out Vic um oh

7:39

my God you're so funny on your videos cuz you're like here's my hot doctor he's so hot and he's single I literally

7:44

text him all the time I'm like here's a girlfriend of mine will you take her out for a date like we are

7:49

homies um and it it just felt instantly right and that's like my biggest thing I

7:58

say to people is like important and I was sharing with you I think I guess we caught some of it on camera like um my

8:04

experience and it's so funny that you're saying that cuz I I remember walking in I think towards the end of my transfer

8:10

and I literally inside said to myself I hate this place literally I hate that for you I

8:17

know what do we do what what can we do well and this is why like these conversations are so important so I love

8:22

that you said you had this feeling cuz I think that's like that's it you have to have that feeling you have to feel safe

8:27

you have to feel comfortable I love that they prioritize that and if you don't feel that way you got to go somewhere

8:33

else you got to go like it was literally down to the details of like the soap oh my God same [ __ ] I would go into their

8:39

bathroom like this is disgusting oh my God no they had like asop soap their little jerkoff rooms looked like

8:44

miniature Hotel like they just knew what they were doing and we had talked about this off camera too but every one of

8:51

these places has to run such a tight ship yeah they got literally they're on

8:56

timed Cycles with human beings yeah yes and even though it felt like a tightly

9:02

run ship I felt like they saw me as a person and it's amazing like you can do both you can yeah it exists yes and so

9:09

that's like my biggest thing when talking about people who want to do it but now I also just tell anyone that

9:15

exists around the age of like 27 to 35 I'm like have you gotten your exg Frozen

9:20

yet about it yeah so it it very quickly to me became a

9:26

no-brainer of let's freeze eggs at least yeah so you go in you feel really

9:32

comfortable like what was your what was the consult like like getting all the information learning about this probably

9:37

learning I know for me learning so much also being like Oh my God I didn't know any of this how did I know of this what

9:43

was that like for you so Dr Z sat me down in his office and no joke gave me like a 15minute like drawing

9:51

presentation where he was like this is how eggs work every month and I'm like

9:57

tell me why I have had a post with you 33 and don't know this and didn't know some of this [ __ ] I never learned this

10:02

you lose half your eggs before you hit puberty I know the hell nobody tells you

10:07

that that's like the big like nobody told nobody told that's like the one of the biggest Nar like nobody told me that

10:13

and like even if you hear like oh you're getting old and like they make it sound so terrible like you're losing Pro like

10:19

your [ __ ] getting yeah and I'm like first of all aging is a privilege I can't wait to get older it means I'm

10:25

alive and still I feel great I'm 42 I feel sh B you're th and this like house

10:30

with this podast like gold but like truly it just seems like it's supposed to be this like awful sad process and

10:38

like while it can be devastating and emotional it can also be such an amazing

10:45

wonderful experience yeah and I think that what and I know I keep saying this but like the information is power like I

10:51

froze at 37 I didn't know anyone that I knew one person that did it there were no conversations like this there were no

10:56

podcasts there was like so when I was doing it didn't feel like a choice it felt like I have to like I'm running out

11:02

of time I'm 37 like I'm all you know and there's so much more we know and

11:08

understand that like age is not the only determining factor of success but I think from that place for me I it was

11:15

sad for me it was sad but I think when you are can be proactive about the choice yes and it can feel great and

11:23

empowering yes J that's the biggest thing right too is like I identify as

11:28

bisexual I'm non monogamous so like traditional white picket fence mom and

11:34

dad like does not compute with me like that's not my goal I was raised by a mom

11:39

and a dad who are still together had a really hard time with a fertility Journey um but like nothing about what

11:46

my lifestyle is like is traditional and so I knew that I've already dealt with

11:53

unique and not normal quote unquote scenarios of of lifestyle choices so

12:00

when thinking about having a family I never pictured anything quote unquote

12:05

normal either so it was really important for me to like know I had choices and

12:10

feel really empowered and learn about it so that I can go in confidently so that

12:15

I'm not surprised rightz that's the biggest thing happens too like women get to this age and then they're like

12:21

shocked shocked and like it's for some it's like too

12:26

late they have fertility issues they didn't know about because they didn't end up some at a clinic or a doctor soon

12:32

enough yeah so I think it's so amazing to to know and to go sooner and I love

12:38

that you said like telling the 27-year-old like have you thought about it think about doing it yeah it's it just seems like something that has been

12:45

missed go go figure something that's been like under talked about in the women's health field but like I want to

12:53

know how many egos I got are they producing strong healthy like what can I do to feel to what can I skip in my

13:01

early 20s so that I have a better chance at getting healthier eggs like I drank

13:06

so much I wish I would have chilled out on the booze back then you know having a

13:11

better diet or like because all that stuff matters and you know I'm learning so much we've had amazing uh fertility

13:18

nutritionists on here and all these things that you can do for egg quality and like taking care of yourself and

13:24

then they have the like you know dual benefit of like you feel good but also you're helping your

13:30

but we didn't know of this no and they I love like they always say at the office

13:35

which they always remind me as like it just takes one yeah like cuz I am so

13:40

numbers and data that's what I wanted to ask you too okay so you've done one round let's talk about it yeah I went in

13:48

to go get my consultation and things and they checked my eggs and they were like 14 great number let's start your meds on

13:55

this date blah blah blah blah blah well I go in the next time and and I'm getting you know you go in multiple

14:01

times to get checked make sure the eggs are growing everything looks good Tinker with medication and the next time they

14:06

go in they go okay you have six on your right as usual we can't see any on your

14:12

left I'm like what do you mean you can't see them are they hiding what are they doing and he was like sometimes they're

14:18

really up there and I don't want to go all the way up all the way in and poke things around like it's if they were

14:24

there before we have to assume we'll find them day of when we can really go in with the thing thing MH you know very

14:30

Medical Professional terms over here your thing thing and so when and again for my next checkup we only see six we

14:38

go for the day of the retrieval and I go under thinking I'm going to come out

14:43

with around 14 and you know my good friend who works at the fertility clinic you know was there when I woke up and he

14:49

says we got six and he said it with this like we got six and I went [ __ ] six I

14:57

know the number is such a yeah the numbers are mind [ __ ] and it there was none on the left side and I thought it

15:02

was unique because my mom's flattened tube fallopian problem was left as well

15:09

oh and whether or not like you know there's something to do with that you know genetically the there is some part

15:16

of genetics that determine the quality and quantity but also just like your uterine Health it can be genetic so even

15:23

if you have amazing eggs if you have PCOS or fibroids or cysts or also stuff we had learned about yeah or a long

15:31

cervix or a short like there's so many things that can affect it so we came out with six with the first one and um the

15:40

doctor Dr Vic my homie was like we should do it again and we should just go straight to embryos which

15:48

I was like huh what yeah how did you yeah I mean what were the emotions

15:54

around you know hearing six maybe not anticipating doing it more than once and

15:59

now having to think about going through it all again like what was that like so

16:05

I had a relatively positive experience with the

16:11

process of taking meds and the hormones going through the first retrieval except for afterwards okay so after I had the

16:19

retrieval I felt everything like it felt like my body was being depleted of all

16:25

the hormones and the juice and the good stuff and then I went through a insane

16:31

heartbreak breakup oh stop it rain poures rain it pores I mean I was

16:37

emotionally like a mess and I decided I was going to take a break before doing

16:42

another round because that was another question I had for you like what was yeah if there was time because I think

16:48

that's so smart and even for my own experience and my impatience like was such a disservice to me because I was

16:55

like I want to do it I want to get done and you know my journe is a little different in that like I was older and I

17:01

was like I was clear and what I wanted and all the things and so I was impatient I wasn't ready emotionally I

17:10

just needed more time and I pushed it and it wasn't successful and so then I did take that time after so I think it's

17:16

so important to be in tune with like where you're at emotionally physically work stress stress yeah

17:24

family stuff holidays yeah because it's like all the stress obviously is a factor and it's a very you know even if

17:30

it goes well relatively well it's still a lot it's still you're still injecting yourself I know and I love that you Shar

17:37

to like where you've done all your shots and like I I when I was freezing my egg so Rob my partner well so I we were

17:45

still together we have a son together but we froze at 37 and I was like ready to do the embryos and have the baby and

17:52

he wasn't there yet so I was so angry about that and my therapist at the time was like cuz I'm like [ __ ] him I'm going

17:57

to do all this by myself all the shots myself oh God she's like maybe you should let him be involved I'm like yeah

18:05

probably so I was really happy I did listen to her but at first I was like I don't want him part of but we had a

18:10

funny story Shelly and I I over there shell hey Shell um we have a very good friend of ours who's a country singer in

18:16

Nashville and she was up in New York doing a show and you know you have to do the shots at the same time every night whatever I was like well I'm not missing

18:23

this like every time she comes to New York I'm going so Rob and I are in the back of like this rental car I forgot why we have the rental car

18:29

and all these people were walking by us and we're like shooting up the needle and I'm like oh my God what if what if

18:34

someone thinks we're like I could not imagine being a shy person doing this because because just like I was in the I

18:41

was literally in a group have you ever been to like a concert or a festival where they have the nice Porta paties

18:47

where it's like five in one so there's like a little sink lobby area I was in

18:53

one of those doing my first time shots it was your first my first time doing shots

18:59

bra nipple butterfly glitter pasty stickers on my tits pull down my

19:04

overalls and I'm mixing up this juice and women are just walking through know

19:10

they're probably like yeah freezing your eggs the first thing I would do is I'd go I'm not doing drugs and they would go

19:15

egg freezing and I was like oh my God so we I had my team dinner um a couple

19:21

weekends ago and I had to I'm doing the progesteron progesterone shot still and I go down to the bathroom and the

19:26

bathroom attendants in there I'm like I'm I'm going through ivat like I had to like PR it like okay it's fine cuz I

19:33

also was like I'm not shooting up here yeah well you also I travel with my little medical note that they gave me

19:38

because when I went through I had to do it on a plane at one point cuz same thing same same travel out here they

19:44

guess what I didn't even go to the bathroom to do it I did it in my [ __ ] seat I said I don't give a [ __ ] I'm

19:50

tired I just went and spoke at a conference like I'm not going in that little tiny oh for turbulent bath I just

19:56

opened up my tray T well that's so funny cuz same same I was originally supposed to land so 7:00 which I would have had

20:04

to do it on the plane but we came in an hour early I'm like sweet I can do it so I booked off the plane and did it in the

20:09

bathroom I just yeah I've just had like a new Awakening and awareness of like

20:14

women going through IVF and the true struggle it is because it is not easy

20:20

like you said even if you're having a gay old Dandy time and the hormones aren't affecting you the way that you

20:27

know they I was lucky enough to have them not affect me so much it is still like your cortisol is still shooting up

20:33

when you're having to literally shoot yourself up like it you're bloated as hell you're cramping like your acne is

20:40

everywhere you're tired you're hungry you're horny is did you get horny you know what I remember now I think I was

20:46

too angry to be horny to be honest maybe that was your symptom was the anger like

20:51

I am so horny and you can't do anything you can't scramble those egos around I

20:56

know so I'm like even in my best mood I'm still like so having that support

21:02

system I think is huge and if you're single like get your girls to come over

21:07

like have a pal come by but it has just been even in the best it's still been a

21:12

process so when I knew I wanted to do it again cuz I knew I wanted to cuz I knew the statistics of only having six eggs I

21:20

know how many surviv the thaw how many survive implantation all that [ __ ] you're basically walking away with like

21:26

one egg hopefully hopefully hopefully and of course you are seeing all these

21:32

videos and things about girls getting 20 eggs and I know like so we usually like

21:37

yeah the numbers are tough because that and I think it's so many ways that like comparative piece comes up whether it's

21:42

it ink freezing or life or like someone's in a relationship and you're not in a relationship and it's like and now social media it's like you can just

21:48

compare to everything all the time compare and despair comparison as a th of Joy that's what I always remind

21:54

myself is like you can be the most fit happy whatever person and still walk away with no eggs which is I've seen it

22:00

happen so I try to remember that it's like so out of my control to a degree

Empowering Women's Health and Fertility

22:06

which is I think also a product of being in the industry and like having rejections all the time or like having

22:13

people comment on your body all the time like I just have built up this really thick skin and I couldn't I couldn't

22:19

[ __ ] imagine being someone that like desperately wants a child and is like

22:26

fighting to have that motherhood like I feel very privileged and lucky to be emotionally in the like let's have a

22:34

let's see what we can go yeah well yeah I mean I think I when I was sharing with you up until my recent you know the

22:42

first transfer didn't work like relatively successful fertility journey and my you know the emotional piece and

22:49

like trying to align with my partner that was all really hard but you know comparatively I was successful I for 37

22:56

I got a nice amount of eggs that I was happy with got pregnant naturally at 39 so like all had gone well yeah and then

23:03

but I was also you know so that was my expectation going into the transfer and I did I was all along the way I was in

23:09

the desperation State like I wanted to be pregnant I wanted a kid and like so

23:14

that really so I think it's just how do you take care of yourself in that way because if you are there it's just it

23:22

can be Rock Bottom can I ask questions about that yes please ask questions someone the last guest asked me a question I was like yes I help I have

23:28

two podcasts so I'm used to be on your side of things so like the fact that I'm just like it's I love being on that side

23:34

I way it's well I am a Leo so it does I get a little ego stroke talking about myself I'm not going to lie um okay so

23:41

when you were doing the the embryo this time like you P you had you told me you

23:48

had two boys and three girls you chose the healthiest boy and I'm I like how

23:53

you're phrasing it like it didn't work because it feels very like it just didn't work and that's the odds you take

23:59

but I know that it probably emotionally was a different or maybe not but can you

24:05

walk me through like the process of figuring out it didn't work because the only time I've seen the embryo

24:10

implantation was on American Horror Story oh my gosh really have you watched this season someone just asked me about

24:16

that show I haven't watched it you know what I'm talking about right yeah I watched it just because of what they're Focus it's all about egg freezing fa I

24:23

have to watch it oh my God you're going to get so much content on this you should okay free Tik Tok idea you series

24:29

about like busting the myths or like breaking down the scenes of Americans a Horror Story free idea but like uh I

24:38

only saw her like horrific experience with the implantation fail so can you

24:43

walk me through like what that means and like where emotionally are you like okay this is a cluster of cells versus like

24:49

okay I have a baby now versus don't get your hopes up like if you don't mind no

24:55

not at all I don't mind at all um I think I was less I think it's so hard when it's it is a cluster of cells but

25:02

it's you're attached to the idea of like I'm ready to have this baby and you're I me of me I'll speak for me I was

25:08

attached to this idea of like okay I could be pregnant now and okay and this time it'll be here and like just sort of

25:14

planning for it happening and not not even thinking that it wouldn't work wow

25:20

and I don't know why I went in like that maybe because I I guess I had you know been successful or things had gone well

25:27

so I I had friends that had been through it oh so this is what this was a mistake

25:32

of mine also I didn't tell anybody I was doing it my sister knew Rob knew and

25:37

that was it and I have a very best friend who had been through it I know other women have been through it I I

25:43

like I still don't understand why I made that choice it was such a mistake because after it failed I started

25:49

telling everybody and that just felt so cathartic and I told everybody this time around so my friend that was doing it

25:55

she took a pregnancy so you you implant and then 9 days later you do yeah the

26:00

weight is like hell oh my God it's yeah I feel like in American Horror Story it was like the next day or something or

26:07

like two days later myth bu yeah yeah oh my God nine days did you just like lay

26:14

in well that's good thing too because you're like you know I have a I have a toddler and like do I pick them up do I

26:20

not pick them up what can I do what can I do like I did nothing I didn't work out like you're just like I haven't

26:26

worked out since my transfer oh my God I'm waiting for Monday and hopefully it's like everything is good and I want to like get back to my workouts um so

26:33

yeah you have to wait the 9 days and what my friend did was she took a pregnancy test before the n9th day and it was positive oh [ __ ] so I was like

26:40

going back and forth between do I take the test before the blood work what do I do and the day I could have taken the

26:46

blood test was Thanksgiving and I'm like I'm not going to do it on Thanksgiving because what it's Thanksgiving God I

26:51

didn't oh my God so then I went Friday the Friday after Thanksgiving I drove to the city I did the blood work I came

26:58

back from the city and Rob wasn't home yet because we' stayed at his parents so I I left really ear in the morning to

27:04

get to the city do the blood work he was coming home with our son I took the pregnancy test oh girl and it was

27:12

negative and I just felt the FL like hysteric I was hysterical I yeah it

27:18

makes me sad thinking about it it was sad I'm so sorry thank you I literally

27:23

my leg hair is going back right now cuz I have the chilies but you know I yeah it was really really

27:29

sad but you know I I was like okay like now I've lived this now I can talk about

27:35

this now I can share this with other women and I'm going to do a whole episode and go more into depth about it and my experience and what I learned and

27:41

what I how common it is yeah and how common it is and it gave me such a huge appreciation and all I'm always

27:47

sympathetic but like the women that get like failure after failure I was like this was only one bad like hurdle you

27:55

know or roadblock so yeah was really I think it was meant to happen that way um

28:02

but yeah it's it's really emotional you know because you're just hoping and you're wanting and if you're going

28:07

through that process you want you've decided you want this so and did you how

28:13

long did you wait to do again I did it probably like not the next cycle the

28:20

cycle after okay so you took a little break SK like chill the other thing I didn't know I would be talking about

28:25

myself but okay we're here here we are I'm digging it so no I'm happy yeah

28:31

you're educating me I love it um the the other thing was again like I saying my

28:36

impatience so I was um and I haven't talked about this yet either but here we go exclusive uh this is an exclusive my

28:43

go scoop right now I started working with this woman who's so freaking incredible and I started to micro do and

28:49

I it was like she does this very therapeutic TRS yeah wow so I was working with her before my first

28:56

transfer and I love her and I was I don't know I guess I'm maybe I'm biased as a therapist I was Finding having a

29:01

hard time like I fired so many therapists oh wow but then I found her and she was like so great and she said

29:09

to me before my first transfer she's like I think you should do a tea experience before you do the transfer

29:15

because I think there's some stuff you need to like unblock and clear out and I was like but I I was like 2 days away

29:22

from probably starting and I was like I and I didn't want to wait damn so but

29:28

between the two the first that didn't work and the second I did the te oh God damn it now it's just like

29:34

yeah mushroom like we should be they should be approved we should be using that like I'm big advocate for that but

29:40

I'm on too many ssris to have a successful trip but I this my first time i' never oh my God I never oh my God I

29:48

never did drugs when I was younger I didn't really I didn't well I now drink but like I yeah I was an athlete I

29:53

didn't just I wasn't interested it wasn't that like I just didn't have any interest in it and so this was like all

29:59

very new to me and I loved it I'm going to do it again when I can wait so did you do a macarro dose like how much do

30:06

you know do you remember how much you Dr I don't um like usually it's a gram to three gram to five gram oh girl you went

30:12

for a trip I know but I think she was like I think you can do more next time I was like all right yeah so you had a

30:19

good time I did it was really great it anything about babies or yeah now I have

30:24

all the notes on like what came up in it but yes I did see I saw I guess the same

30:30

was like tripped me out too I saw a second but I didn't I couldn't tell a boy or girl in the in the trip so I I

30:36

did see another didn't oh my

30:42

God like I feel like that woman must be like she's incredible yeah that's wow

30:48

that's so [ __ ] cool yeah it was awesome so I was like yeah I realized you know every you hindsight 2020 but I

30:53

realized like I should have just like be like in a place where you're emotionally

31:02

freezing OS it's just so to get yourself in a good enough

31:08

good place is important which sucks because then it's also like you're also competing against this clock exactly

31:14

which like I had a friend who was doing it right during the pandemic oh God and

31:21

when I tell you I am the most Pro get vaccinated we love vaccines I got

31:27

vaccinated and didn't get my period for 8 months what and I messaged my gyno and

31:33

she was saying that this is happening to clients and that people aren't just talking about it and I went to Reddit I

31:39

went to Twitter I went to Tik Tok and there were a slew of women same experience same experience delayed

31:46

period 3 4 months some people a year didn't get their period after and I still got my second and third dose but

Open Conversations About Fertility and Birth Control

31:52

it was like oh my gosh that was gnarly well little did I know one of my very

31:58

good friends the same thing happened where she got vaccinated God this going to this is going to end up on the wrong

32:03

side of Tik Tok so I very Pro vaccination you [ __ ] weirdos okay get

32:09

vaccinated yeah yeah but like things let's just say

32:14

stress threw off her period and like she was right in the middle of doing it she had to do I think four Cycles to get

32:22

like a couple eggs I know but that happens too like and then like missing doctor's appointments cuz of Co and

32:28

protocols and like there was just so many factors that went on with her and I

32:35

just remember being like okay being in a good place in the world in your life in

32:42

your relationship like just having all the stars align sometimes it can feel like holy [ __ ] there's never a good time

32:48

to well and I just think it's like again like the information is so helpful because I think there's things if you're thinking about you can start to put in

32:54

place now to make it the best you know experience as poss possible there's so much out of your control there's so much

32:59

you can't do but there are a lot of things that you can do so to have this information and just say okay let me put

33:05

my support system in place maybe I maybe I seen acupuncturist maybe I changed my diet so there's like while there's you

33:11

know I think for me the all the things that n unknowns and like lack of control some of that you just have to give up

33:17

because you can't do anything about that but then there's so many things that you can do and that's what I think keeps us

33:23

all sane during this is the because it can yes the feeling of control

33:28

I I'm big big control girly same it's been and I will say having all of that

33:34

knowledge going through the first time knowing what to expect and what to think this second time has been tougher on my

33:42

body just because we're uh we're 3 days away from my retrieval I know thank you

33:48

for being here coming up God yeah I'm keeping like my sked lowkey but I was like I can go sit on the couch and talk

33:54

to a new gal pal for an hour um it we've doubled all the meds I was going to ask

34:00

did they change the protocol you're Chang the protocol and of course what happened I went in the first day to get

34:05

checked I had 15 eggs okay I went in the second time I had eight okay I went in

34:12

today and I got six so I but the good thing is is it's

34:18

working on both left and right side so she's not flat or dead she's still

34:24

kicking which I'm like happy about I was expecting to get nothing out of my left side again and I've learned so much so I

34:31

didn't get attached to that number good I didn't know that all 15 are still in

34:38

me they're just not respond not only six now have responded to the med so it was

34:43

eight at first were growing and getting juicy and then only six past that

34:49

threshold of like 10 mm or whatever the size you want it to be and so when I

34:54

went this morning to go get my check and they said yeah six are ready and they

34:59

wanted to push the retrieval a day they said let's give it one more day and I

35:04

said I have to fly oh my God that's going for a tour and I went I can't I

35:09

don't have the luxury of another day and they're going you can't change your flight and I'm going no it's already

35:15

last minute and they're going uh okay well you need to know then you need to prepare yourself that like what if we

35:21

get immature they called them immature eggs and I laughed I laughed right in his face um cuz they would be immature

35:27

as mine um but I just like mentally was like okay this is the reality and I just

35:35

felt more armored so I I didn't feel like more hard or like less sad that

35:42

there were only six but I just felt like okay this is the reality of what egg freezing it feels like and what can

35:48

happen but you know we are doing embryos this time I know we have to talk about that yes oh my God it's it's so [ __ ]

35:55

funny you'll take the last you are you going to do I'm going to keep six still frozen okay and these however we many we

36:01

don't know yet yes and whatever we've got I'm going to say six I'm calling that into the universe you know what [ __ ] it um and so when I knew the next

36:12

batch this was going to be embryos I had to find a [ __ ] [ __ ] yes okay wait I

36:18

we have I want to Dive Right into that I had to find some C I was like checking my couch cushion

36:26

got so yeah I love to learn that because I didn't know from watching like

36:31

Instagram like that it was it wasn't initially the plan to do embryos okay so

36:38

okay so now you just they suggest embryos yes and then okay tell me the

36:43

conversations with your friends tell me like did you immediately think your friend Mikey like what yes so shout out

36:49

to Mikey um my best friend he's a gay man I've known him for 15 years now and

36:55

it just happens to be that he's also my best looking friend oh he's gorgeous he is [ __ ] blue

37:03

eyes he's got Native American in him he's tan he's oh my God he comes from an

37:09

amazing family you know um I just I I'm obsessed with him he's like my platonic

37:15

soulmate like just love him and I remember talking to him about this once

37:22

upon a time where he had floated in conversation that he had tried to donate sperm before for oh no way yeah and I

37:29

can't remember cuz back then I didn't give a [ __ ] I was like okay who cares um but I remember him saying that they said

37:34

he was too old to donate spoom yeah he was in his 30s or something when he tried to do it and which like is crazy

37:42

cuz men can like what what is it dairo just had a baby at like how like stop it

37:47

dude that's crazy my friend told who works at the fertility clinic said that if it's someone that really really wants

37:53

it and they're like old old men they can put the man under go into their nut sock

37:58

if they're shooting blanks and like find one like one floating on the ball floor

38:04

like it's like a [ __ ] dead fish at the bottom of the ocean like and like revive it like I was like yeah they can

38:10

like find anyway nuts actually all these things are possible there's all that options like it's never too late for you

38:17

men god um so I knew he had talked about that so I think I texted him and was

38:26

like I you know I'm doing this thing they want me to make embryos would you ever give me your jizz and he that the text

38:33

literally that was the text and he responded back without any hesitation

38:38

was like absolutely 100% you know I tried to donate before and they wouldn't take it this is amaz best idea ever oh

38:45

my God I love that and I was like wait [ __ ] like think about it I was like I know I should just be

38:51

like great I'll take it but I'm like [ __ ] you know what this means right and he was like literally no I don't

38:57

care care I like 100% I was like do you want to ask your partner cuz he's been in a long-term partnership with his boyfriend and I was like don't you want

39:03

to talk and he was like no I don't care what anyone else thinks like I was like ask your parents and like somebody yeah

39:09

ask anybody and he was like okay do you want it I was like all right yes so it was an immediate yes we talked on the

39:15

phone about it um I think a couple days later cuz I was like are you serious and he was like yes I think it would be

39:21

amazing and I was like do you want children because what I'm willing to do

39:26

he's in his 40s is I said I'm willing to let you have some if you want to and

39:32

then you'll skip all the process all the money egg donuts oh my God the genetic

39:37

testing like you can just have some and he went I don't want any of yours I don't want [ __ ] eggs like I was like

39:44

I want your and he was like no I'm kidding of course like that's really nice of you

39:49

but he's like I'm pretty dead set unless I like fall down and really hit my head and decide I want kids then I don't need

39:55

any but like thank you for option and I was like okay well I know you're saying that now but in the paperwork yeah I was

40:02

like I think it would be great for us to have them as ours if you want so that

40:08

was my idea right well little did I know there is so much paperwork involved so much paperwork in your friend donating

40:14

this happens to you this happens to Rob who yeah if you die he dies if you both spontaneously combust at the same time

40:21

in a magic potion like it was crazy so I knew he was game and the process for him

40:27

was so fun like it became reasons for us to go grab lunch and hang out but like he had to do all this blood work make

40:33

sure we didn't have the same genetic markers which I ended up having saw that one magical uh dis I guess it's called

40:41

like a genetic um anomaly or abnormality abnormality which is albinism which is

40:47

amazing CU I am 99% Irish and very pale um so with you know those pundit squares

40:53

you learn about in high school we just had to make sure that he didn't have sense to have learned that then it's

40:58

like why are we learning this dominant recant I'll never use this in my real life little that I know but so he was

41:04

all clear with his marker so he was a match I guess you could say and uh then

Informed Birth Control Decision Importance

41:09

we had to go to the paperwork so what we ended up deciding and he was very adamant about like I don't want them but

41:16

if you're alive and I want them I'll just ask you and you'll give me one and I said yeah that's fine and my sister

41:23

who is a couple years older than me she is also single independent woman Don't Need No Man doesn't know if she wants to get married or not um she said that she

41:31

would take them if I died and like potentially use them but also that if I

41:37

die and they become hers she knows to give them to Mikey if he wants them yeah

41:43

so like our whole family loves and adors Mikey they all know like they would probably if anything pushed them on to

41:50

be like come on do it um but also my sister is freezing her eggs this year

41:57

ask like okay what's your s is your sister going to do it great so she's going to free Dr because of me don't you

42:02

love that though I've had so many friends no I've had so many friends because I've done it it's like I'm going to do it cuz you it's been a wave I've

42:09

had like followers WR in and stuff and it's oh my God am responses and [ __ ] yes

42:14

and people are like I never thought about this I'm going to go get my eggs checked I was like at least just go get your [ __ ] eggs and I think your story

42:20

is so great because you are not totally decided and it doesn't mean you can't look into this or you can't do it and so

42:26

maybe some of theen or your followers that were like on the fence who are like I'm single why would I care and they see

42:32

you doing it and they're like it's it's motivation it's the reason yeah so the funny thing is my sister's going to do

42:38

it that's great and she was like I need a sperm donor and I was like monkey

42:43

monkey and so I was pushing this narrative but my sister ultimately said

42:48

she didn't think it would be fair that I live in LA with Mikey and you know my

42:53

kid would have Uncle Mikey around and her she lives Florida so she wouldn't

42:59

and she's like I don't know they would be half siblings on the other side of the country from each other find her Mikey so she's got to find her Mikey

43:05

which has been so let me tell you swiping through sperm donors is like a

43:11

dating app for her I bet like she she's doing that now so she's doing sperm

43:17

donor and it is so fun she'll send me pictures and I'm like absolutely the [ __ ] not like you can't see his teeth

43:24

like why would he why wouldn't he smile or like the straight judgment this this is more important than the dating this

43:30

is exactly so it that's been a fun Journey but uh so we did all the paperwork and everything and then of

43:37

course you know he came to give his deposit and I was totally [ __ ] with him the whole time I saw that it's so

43:44

funny I love to like first obviously the vulnerability but second like just the humor around it like lightens it up a

43:50

bit like I think that's so great like we were like you got any good gay porn in there like uh you know I think you timed

43:56

it how long is we taking bets and the crazy thing is my lucky number is 17 I have a

44:02

tattooed on me it took him 17 minutes that's a good was like it was meant to me so he gave his deposit of course he

44:09

had godc come or whatever they call it super sperm where everything looked great no double-headed swimmers upside

44:15

down backwards double tailed guys in there um so they're going to dethaw it

44:20

this weekend and um the whole process of like them melding it together

44:28

going do your retrieval and they're going to do it right away they're going to do it it's four hours after apparently is when EG yeah that's so

44:34

obviously mine were frozen we had to thaw them and then so oh my gosh so you'll know like pretty instantly yeah

44:41

like my we're actually making it part of this is so inside baseball but we're making it part of my live show my

44:49

podcast show where when we invite guests up to play games if they win they get to name an

44:56

embryo and it can be anything you want oh my God anything you want so like we're making it a fun thing yeah I just

45:04

love the idea of like you know me and Mikey are both queer so like we don't really care about gender but like we

45:09

hope one's gay and like we you know we we're naming them prior to to like

45:15

implantation or whatever so you know I'm also doing all of this while like having

45:21

a current partner right so how's your partner feel about all this I mean he's

45:28

also a lot younger than me he is 26 I am

45:33

33 and so this was like a whole new [ __ ] world to him he had never well

45:39

like as much as we don't know men are like clueless he's a 26-year-old boy as far as I'm concerned and so he has been

45:46

just like an absolute if anything all of this process has been like total green flags with him because he's like time to

45:53

take your meds or like do you want me to help with the shop R my belly afterward and like do you

46:00

want aack like you know he he's just so great and like at one point even he was

46:07

like should I consider like getting my sperm checked and like making sure I'm

46:12

not like shooting blanks or that everything I love too cuz you you're preserving all your options cuz you'll

46:17

have the six egg my you'll have your embryo my embos with Mikey like this 26-year-old who is an athlete that we

46:24

call the athlete on my podcast he's 65 with blue eyes some nice genetics it's

46:29

some really good genetics and even he was like should I like throw my jiz in

Making a Big Decision Guide

46:35

the ring and like make an UMO and like I think the thing of me being so

46:41

non-traditional with like you know not totally believing in the institution of marriage and blah blah blah like I'm

46:47

kind of like yeah yeah why not like you're cool I'm cool and let me tell you

46:52

sperm lawyers are like they have to look at worst case scenario like they

46:57

absolutely have to give you all the worst things that could ever happen if you're donating or making embryos with a

47:04

friend well there's a whole not just in terms of the decision before like even after like the custody of the embryos

47:11

one of the doctors yeah one of the doctors we had on she said she has a whole just like she's like I have the best lawyer if you ever want a lawyer on

47:17

to talk about all this stuff yeah and like that cost that's not cheap and usually like the egg girly pays for the

47:23

sperm donor which I didn't know I was like [ __ ] pay your own bills but like that was I did that and so like I'm down

47:31

to just have options and then like who knows maybe I will meet someone that I

47:37

want to have a kid with the oldfashioned way and I have all these eggs and things and then I guess what everyone gets an

47:43

egg you get an egg my friend my best friend gets an egg everyone like I'm donating them to science who wants a [ __ ] like I I just love the idea that

47:51

it's totally coming from a place of privilege but also I love that that could be something I could help pay

47:57

forward in some way even just talking about it is is paying it forward and I think just optionality is so huge I

48:03

think and I think that was the you know when I had my consult at 37 I woke out I walked out really overwhelmed and

48:08

discouraged because they gave you all these numbers and I don't think any of that is like you should not listen to that because your journey is unique and

48:15

whatever but I I almost thought about not doing it and and I yeah cuz I was

48:20

just like what the [ __ ] is the point is this even worth it it's so much I didn't have the money at the time to do it like I put it on a credit card wow yeah cuz

48:28

at that time there were really no options Insurance wasn't really covering it yet um so I think my two my two

48:33

options were like a no interest credit card or a financial Lo medical loan and so I chose the credit card option and my

48:41

my deciding factor was like I don't ever want to regret this I don't want to turn around like for and and having done that

48:49

has now given me the option to hopefully have a second and everything hoping everything goes well and that was my

48:55

biggest thing is like I don't want to be without options and I've seen women in that position and it's just devastating

49:01

it's heart it's really heartbreaking and like that it's even opened up my eyes to

49:06

even like cusy potentially like maybe if I have a friend that couldn't have a

49:12

like I I know now how emotional and intense it is and like if I could do

49:18

that for someone like [ __ ] you know I it if someone really wants it it's the greatest gift and thing you could do for

49:25

someone and like I I know people would do it for me and like it's just opened up a whole new level of con conversation

49:32

between me and my friends me and my girlfriend group chats are like popping off now like we're always talking about

49:37

egg or fertility things you know my friends are off getting married now I'm

49:43

so so happy for them I hope it goes well um but like just the idea of like women

49:50

our age Our Generation Millennials and J years are are not having kids they don't

49:57

want you no yeah or pushing it off or not at all and all of it it's just like normalizing all of it but being informed

50:03

enough to know or not being in a position we're like [ __ ] I wish I knew that sooner because I mean I'm so happy

50:08

to see like people like you and talking about it and like they have these platforms and just getting conversation out because before no one was talking

50:15

about it so then you're like shameful yes the shame I couldn't [ __ ] believe

50:21

the shame the way you feel about yourself like before all of this I think the way you or not me too like the way I

50:28

felt about it for having to do this I have to do this because I'm 37 and I'm not married and I'm in a relationship

50:33

where we're not sure you know there's so much shame around it it was my talking to the fertility experts they said that

50:41

most people do not tell their close loved ones that they're doing this or

50:46

like religion like is a factor and culture culture is a factor and I was I

50:53

just maybe I'm in my liberal bubble but I could not [ __ ] imagine feeling like this was something

51:00

to be ashamed about like or hide it's it's in yeah it's incredible though what

51:06

happens like you're saying with the group text that once you start talking about it it's like yeah me too or I froze or I'm thinking about freezing or

51:11

even if people have loss or miscarriage it's like me too this has happened to me and it's like this stuff is happening we

51:18

have to talk about it it's reality this is yeah like the the pure stats of like

51:24

miscarriage or like vaginal health issues with between women like I I'm just like holy [ __ ] having a baby is a

51:31

miracle it is they sell it to you and they package it to you like once you want to get pregnant you'll get pregnant

51:36

and it's so easy and it's all of this like this messaging of like don't get pregnant do all these things make sure

51:42

you don't get pregnant as if it's so easy to get pregnant so you just think like okay when I want to try I'll stop the birth control I'll do the thing and

51:48

I'll be pregnant but I think it's so much more of a normal journey to have a hard time getting pregnant than it is to

51:54

get pregnant so easily oh 100% And of of course you always hear the I got pregnant off the first time like okay

52:02

exactly right but then like now look at your complex Journey has has been like such a beautifully written story cuz it

52:08

is so different and it's not so story book right like everything means more

52:14

like the intense conversations you have to have I'm like projecting obviously but like you it does open up your

52:21

ability to feel and understand and relate and communicate with people

52:28

just stook yeah nothing happens like story book even even getting it was not

52:33

storybook to get there and I think like emotionally where I was at I I really couldn't have handled like you know

52:39

getting my period every month and not being pregnant so I feel really Greatful but yeah I think it's like nothing's

52:45

storybook nothing's like it's hard things are hard things don't pan out as we're told they're going to pan out the

52:51

vision doesn't look like we're sold and I think just like normalizing that

52:57

totally you know and so I think feeling like nothing is wrong with you like you're not behind no it's like that's

53:04

why podcast like this is so amazing and important because I that's the biggest

53:10

thing is that like I want this process to also be more affordable and accessible 100% And I don't know how to

53:18

make that a reality we'll figure it out but like just seeing the science is so

53:23

mindblowing and getting to watch like you know they have this new feature at um pfcla that's called I don't know if

53:29

you've heard of it it's called like Chloe or something where you can actually watch they have like a literal

53:34

webcam in your embryo station and you can watch your embryos grow oh my God

53:40

that's cool yeah and so I'm like this is we're living in the [ __ ] future we are the Jets but what's what's really

53:47

reassuring is that there are so many advances that have happened in a short amount of time there is more coverage

53:52

there's so much advocacy now around coverage so I really think that it's going to it's going to go in a very good

53:58

direction very continue to go in a good direction quickly so I think that's really reassuring and really helpful I

54:03

think we're going to see more we do already see more options more coverage more fin whatever it is I think I I'm

54:10

hopeful that we're moving in a very good direction have you seen the something I

54:16

almost did before I met the person at the fertility clinic was a company that pays for your egg freezing if you donate

54:24

half of your viable eggs yes I know exact I I forget the name of the company like stuff like that I was like

54:30

yes like a giddy for it because that's such there's payment plans now there's all these different options so I think

54:36

again putting all the information out there in the res sign up for a firm yeah you know pay month the month like we got

54:42

to get something where who do we talk to who do we write to our Senators I don't know well thank you so anything you want

54:49

to share or say or off this is so cool I'm so glad doing this yeah I can't wait

54:54

to listen to all all the best next few days oh my God no yes I got to get your

54:59

number oh my God I well hopefully if I can sign R up for another night with our

55:05

son solo I'll be at your show in New York I still want to know all about it same same thank you so much for being

55:11

here this if you like the episodes that you're hearing and you want to hear more please subscribe to our Channel and stay

55:16

tuned for more incredible stories and tools when I froze my eggs at 37 I felt

55:22

alone I felt unsure I felt confused and uncertain and and when you're

55:27

considering such a big decision feeling those ways do not feel good so we have

55:33

created a stepbystep guide to egg freezing so no one else has to feel that way if you are considering egg freezing

55:40

if you're curious about what the process looks like or what you should be thinking about then this guide is for

55:46

you we were really thoughtful and how we put it together I think it's a great guide I think it's really comprehensive

55:52

and covers a lot of the things to be thinking about to be considering and maybe some things you didn't even

55:57

realize you should be thinking about or considering um the goal is to not let have anyone feel alone in this journey

56:05

so if you again if you're thinking about this decision sign up through our website quith clock.com and make sure to

56:11

follow us on Instagram and Tik Tok at by the clock pod this is a very big decision so I don't want anyone to feel

56:18

alone in it so if you're thinking about it grab this guide and you can also DM me with any questions I'm here to

56:24

support you through this decision in this journey me

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