What Life Looks Like When You Defy Expectations

I'm in my upper 30s and I'm approaching you know where the window is getting shorter and it's it's really hard not to

0:07

think about that but I am I'm confident that you know if it's

0:13

meant to be it will be and and I just have to trust [Music]

0:27

life so I am no longer coffee drinker coffee is something I gave up in

0:33

revamping my diet for my fertility Health which is very hard to do but luckily I found something amazing to

0:39

replace it with and that's my morning matcha that I use coly coolly Moringa for it gives me that same ritualistic

0:47

feeling of having something warm in my hands in the morning without the caffeine and I have loved having that as

0:54

a replacement for my coffee I love this product so much it is delicious and I

0:59

hly don't miss my coffee so if you want an opportunity to check out pully pully moranga you can use our code QTC 25 for

1:08

25% off your first purchase I am so excited to welcome our next guest to the quiet the clock podcast Becky Jeff um

Challenging the Status Quo

1:17

your story is so incredible but not only are we going to talk about egg freezing but I just want to talk about you your

1:23

life in general because I think you embody a lot of what we talk about on the podcast of sort of living life on your own terms and not subscribing to

1:29

social timelines and expectations and pressure and before we jump into the egg freezing well first welcome and thank

1:36

you for being here thank you so much I'm super happy to be here it's great to meet you and and yeah great to be here

1:43

so nice to meet you too I loved I want to jump in first and talk about a post I saw on your that's pinned on your

1:50

Instagram which embodies a lot of what we talk about here and one of the reasons that I started this podcast was

1:55

to normalize pasts that look different that you know life doesn't have to be about checking the boxes that we're told

2:01

to check and there was a post that said if I went through life doing only what the world expects me to do I would have

2:08

missed out on so many of these best experiences and I'd love for you to speak to that um because I love that and

2:14

I I I want to normalize that that's uh thank you for calling

2:20

that out and thank you for the kind words when you said that you saw or you wanted to refer to one of the posts pend

2:27

on my profile I thought you were going straight to the EG Freez one but um that is yeah that is a a very special one

2:34

because I have um you know I would say for a lot of my life I did what I was

2:41

told to do and sort of followed the prescription of U graduate high school

2:46

get good grades go to college get a good job um and just sort of took all the

2:51

boxes um you know get married do all of those things and um in my late 20s I

2:59

went on a girls trip that really opened my eyes I I went to uh several different countries in Southeast Asia and I came

Finding Fulfillment Abroad

3:05

back from that trip and was like I have to get out of this country I need to do

3:10

something different with my life I just felt like I was sort of uh I was tired

3:16

of following that prescription of what I'm supposed to do and taking off all of those boxes and I decided to um stop my

3:25

career do my MBA overseas I was I was already looking at NBA program at the time and uh I looked at that as my

3:32

opportunity to just get out of the country and experience something different go abroad and then see where

3:37

life takes me and when I first started that I I expected to go away for a year

3:43

get my MBA and then come right back to the US and I think I was two weeks into

3:49

having lived having moved to Spain and I just knew I wasn't going back it was it was eye openening I was meeting people

3:56

from so many different countries that were in my program and it was sort of the most the most happy

4:01

and the most free that I had ever felt in my life and uh that's sort of what sent me into it was my Launchpad for

4:10

living abroad and that eventually turned into um living in multiple countries and

4:16

now living a fully remote life where I am basically living out of a suitcase now and have been traveling yeah

4:24

traveling full-time for the last um more like almost the last year and a half

4:30

since last January it was last January I moved out of my apartment in Dubai and

4:35

uh yeah I have been living on the road and I am getting to the point where I would like to settle down but I am

4:40

really glad that I took the opportunity to do my own thing carve my own path not

4:46

follow um all of the you know the the check boxes that we are told we are

4:52

supposed to take off and I have grown a lot from it and I think had the most

4:58

fulfilling experiences just doing the things that I want to do that I'm learning and growing from instead of

5:04

what everybody else what what Society or what the world tells me they think I should be doing oh my gosh absolutely

5:10

and I I share a similar journey and also went abroad right after school and sort of

5:15

realized yeah I moved to Portugal right after college and I think it's and share

5:21

with me if you feel similar but I think it's helpful to get out of the environment that are that is giving you

5:28

the narratives and giving you the sh to get that perspective and I think that was similar for me cuz I did all the

5:34

things and went to college and got the good grades and I think my first pivot was you know moving to Europe right

5:41

after school while a lot of my classmates were getting you know their entry-level jobs but I think for me kind

5:47

of getting out of that space of where the narratives were being kind of pushed helped me see there's so much more out

5:54

there and I wonder for you getting out of that environment of like checking the boxes and yeah was was was what was eye

6:02

opening for you it's not that I needed to specifically get out of the US it was just that I needed change and um there's

6:08

there's I think no matter where you live it's good for you to get out live in

6:13

another country experience other cultures and you don't always get that just from traveling for a short period

6:21

of time or taking a vacation somewhere so actually like rooting yourself somewhere else um yeah like living those

6:27

experiences I think goes a long way um so for me it was um it was yeah like

6:34

I had had travel experiences that opened my eyes but it was a lot more impactful when I moved abroad and really you know

6:41

inserted myself and completely turned my life upside down in a good way um so

6:47

that yeah I think that that was a big part of what opened my eyes and another

6:52

aspect of it it's it's not just creating change for yourself and taking yourself out of your your routine or your

6:58

existing environment but it's also just tuning out what the world is is telling you and you it doesn't matter where we

7:07

are if we're living at home if we're living abroad we're still going to be hearing these messages and the world is

7:12

still going to have the same set of expectations for us so there's definitely an element of doing your own

7:18

thing and just you're having to tune it out and and do what you know is best for you and I think for the most part

Tuning Out the Noise

7:24

whether it's your family or colleagues or friends you know wherever these messages are coming from

7:30

they're always with good intent and you know especially your parents when they're telling you what you should do

7:35

they absolutely say those things with the best of intentions because they think they know best but I have learned

7:42

that only you know what is best for you and it's good to it's it's nice to have

7:49

a support system and it's nice to have guidance and advice and people who really care about you and your well-being but uh ultimately only you

7:57

know what is really best for you yeah and I think I was laughing because you know I hear my dad's voice in my head

8:03

being like we're moving to Europe you know the voices are are there I you know my thought on that too is like they're

8:10

just passing down the prescription that was handed to them and I think that it's sort of amazing to sort of break the

8:16

story and change the narrative that something like moving abroad or living abroad is is okay is great you that can

8:24

be part of the the journey it doesn't have to be so prescriptive um yeah you're right

8:30

absolutely and I think I think we're we're part of a good generation I think

8:36

that we're we're lucky to be in this generation where uh we we don't have to

8:41

follow suit we are challenging the status quo and I we see a lot of that

8:47

with people in our age group and and I love that I love that we're doing things differently and not everyone is choosing

8:54

to do that but there are a lot of us who are compared to our parents generation AB yeah absolutely and I think think

8:59

it's it's nice when you do see other people doing it cuz even if it's in your heart you know you might be the voices

9:05

might be too loud and louder than sort of what your authentic self is wanting

9:11

so seeing other people do it is almost this permission to go for it yourself

9:16

yeah yeah exactly and unlike you it sounds like when you moved abroad you did that in it was after college in your

9:22

early 20s I assume yeah I I honestly I wish now that i' done it later in life

9:28

because I think I still like that I I traveled a lot so I moved to Shar I moved abroad with my

9:34

ex-boyfriend who was playing basketball over there so okay you know it was what brought me there and I did travel quite

9:40

a bit but I think if I was a little bit older I might have appreciated it a bit more and maybe rooted and maybe never

9:46

come back I don't know maybe it was meant to be that way um but I think I was still for me

9:52

like not confident enough I was too young to really like go out you know to

9:59

much on my own um so I don't regret the experience at all I wish I'd done it a couple years later okay it's interesting

10:07

you say that because I was actually going to say I wish I had done it a little bit sooner because I yeah I

10:14

didn't move abroad until I was 29 and I had you know I had already had like a good chunk of my career behind me and um

10:22

you know I had I had travel experiences like you said but I I just think that I

10:27

really found myself I I did not find myself until or and and really start living until I moved abroad and uh I was

10:37

yeah I was 29 when I when I left the US and moved to Spain and I was uh 30 by

10:44

the time I moved to Dubai and I I just feel like my life kind of started at that point so every the whole timeline

10:50

got shifted back and I think that may might have a lot to do with you know why

10:57

why I'm sort of I was you know that I'm I'm later in in life

11:03

and have not had a family yet like my real experiences the things that I wanted to do whether it was career related travel related um or just other

11:10

things that fulfill me um the timeline was shifted up back because I I feel

11:15

like a lot of it started when I was when I finally left the us at 29 yeah and it

11:21

sounds like you know finally being true maybe to yourself and what you really wanted instead of what you were told to

11:28

do and that's my opinion that's when we really start living I think we can like look like

11:34

we're living and we can check all the boxes and externally it looks like we

11:39

have all the things but I think until we really can carve our own path and can follow a path that's like true to

11:45

ourselves is when we really start living but my even like going abroad

11:50

earlier and then coming home I started a job in finance and I'm like this is so miserable I hate this so much that

11:57

started my journey to really find what I wanted to do and my timeline felt shifted back too because a lot of my

12:03

friends or classmates from college had kind of like figured out a lot sooner and they were you know and you know to

12:09

be honest I I'm not entirely sure they're well I know some of them are not entirely happy in those things now but

12:14

um it took me a while to kind of find what I love to do I you know three

12:20

Masters lots of school lots of different jobs to finally yeah it took me a while

12:25

I really had no idea but I knew I had to love something I knew I had to well

12:31

really what the Catalyst was was my first job at a school was Finance because everyone says you're supposed to go into business you're supposed to go

12:37

in finance Y and I just remembered this thought that and you probably appreciate this I had two weeks vacation was the a

12:44

lotes vacation time and I was like I get 10 days at minus weekends out of the

12:49

entire year to choose what I want to do I was like no way not for me and that started my journey of like finding what

12:55

I wanted to do and you know I also met my partner at 34 and in like societal standards I guess that's late in the

13:02

game I had my son at 40 so part of why I do this podcast is just quieting the the

13:07

narratives quieting the timelines like our timelines are our own and I think and I'd be curious because I like what

13:14

you said earlier about tuning out the noise like how you've been able to do that because I think that even when

13:21

we're fulfilled or I'll speak for myself I think there's still opportunity to

13:26

compare and I'm curious I love what you said about tuning out the noise and I'd love to hear how you do that because I

13:33

know it can be hard yeah it it is hard especially when it's coming from people that you really

13:40

love um you know I think about my parents right off the bat when I when I say that but um I think that a large a

13:48

large part of it is just really trusting yourself and having conviction about the path that you're on and yeah I have had

13:56

many conversations with my parents I can I remember when I was in the thick of my

14:02

MBA program um I had just turned 30 and I was studying for a really tough exam

14:10

that was the following day and I happened to jump on a quick call with my mom and she just brought up for some

14:16

reason she was talking about my timelines and my biological clock and saying like now that you're 30 you

14:22

should really start thinking about freezing your eggs and oh my God right before this big exam yes and I was so

14:28

stressed and uh yeah I I broke down crying that night because I mean the

14:34

stress and that conversation and and my mom telling me uh I don't know I don't

14:39

know if you're going to have kids because you're so focused on your career and um I had looked at it all of that

14:46

time like I have I have so much time left I'm only 30 like but it's it's just a completely you know I

14:53

guess it's recognizing that this is a different generation and they their

14:58

timeline and what they know is completely different than what what we know and I mean I I have a lot of

15:06

girlfriends that are in their their their past 40 and having children and

15:11

it's very common and it's also it's more common in Europe too so it's um recognizing that this is just a

15:18

different perspective and respecting that that's okay for them

15:23

to have that but that's not my perspective and uh I have I've just had a lot of conviction I've held on to

15:30

about being in in the right place in my life and being on the right path and uh

15:37

I know that eventually having a family will come the right time will will find its place in my life and yes I'm uh I'm

15:46

approach I'm in my upper 30s and I'm approaching you know where the window is getting shorter and it's it's really

15:53

hard not to think about that but I am I'm confident that you know if it's

15:59

meant to be it will be and and I just have to trust life so yeah I guess it's it's not so much about like tuning

16:05

everything out because it's still there I still have to hear it but it's trusting myself I love that and I think

16:11

without that trust in yourself it's easy to be susceptible to someone else's anxiety right and and like you said it's

Egg Freezing Considerations

16:17

out of good intention it's your mother like I'm sure Desiring those things for you or knowing you desire those things

16:22

and and wanting that for you and maybe her having the anxiety based on the narrative she had I know like my parents

16:27

got married at 22 23 it's just like yeah I would never want to I that wasn't my journey you know and I think again

16:34

sharing these stories just normalizes like a new a new normal like a new way

16:40

of doing things so I guess time to Pivot to the egg freezing so before your mom

16:45

had mentioned that had you heard anything about egg freezing had you even thought about it very little I

16:53

had I just knew what it was and I I cannot recall ever having an in-depth

16:59

conversation or really learning very much about it I just knew what what I knew what she meant when she said freeze

17:05

your eggs but um that was about it and um I had not thought about it up to that

17:11

point and I'm not I'm not sure what planted the seed in her mind maybe she had a conversation with someone or

17:17

watched something but it was um I would say that was the first time that the seed was really planted but it was

17:23

completely off my radar before that and um even though the seed was planted at that time was still at least 5 years

17:32

until I really thought about it seriously again so yeah it was you know

17:38

she had said at that time uh your the quality of your eggs starts to go down

17:44

you you you become less fertile as you get older and I don't think I even did research at the time I just felt like no

17:51

I'm really healthy I'm I've got time this is you know this is like my an an

17:56

older generation perspective and so wasn't really worried about it and uh

18:01

fast forward to last year um I'm at the age of 35 and my marriage was falling

18:09

apart so actually between yeah between that conversation with my mom and when I started the process last year of

18:17

freezing my eggs I I met someone got in a serious relationship got married and

18:23

then um you know last year the the marriage fell apart and it was that that

18:29

thought about freezing my eggs came back because of that so that like for you

18:36

because we've had so many women on here and I know so many stories of women

18:42

ending relationships in their 30s and then feeling the Panic of you know the

18:47

the the motherhood piece and just thinking that that relationship was going to lead to those things and then

18:53

when it doesn't really starting to feel like the the Panic of time yeah it it was that was a very

19:00

emotional part of it for me um in addition to you know just the emotions

19:05

of that very meaningful relationship falling apart this extra layer that I

19:11

iel like I have to worry about this but but he doesn't yeah and um you know the

19:16

the time pressure was was really switched on and I mean I I can't even tell you how many times I played in my

19:23

mind like these timelines like okay if it takes me this amount of time to meet someone and then we have to date for this amount of

19:29

before we could get serious and then like want to be with them for this this amount of time before I would want to

19:35

have children and it's like yeah you start doing the math and it it can it can make you crazy so it's terrifying

19:41

when you yeah I I had a similar experience to to share a little with you so I've been in my partnership now for 9

The decision to freeze eggs

19:48

years but I I met at 34 froze at 37 in that relationship because we weren't

19:53

aligned on the timeline but there was sort of a break or make moment where like are we doing this or not cuz I had

19:58

real desire to be a mother and I did those same like that same Mental Math of like if this Rel and I didn't want the

20:05

relationship to end I'm so glad it worked out it's works out um but same

20:10

like how long to meet somebody how long do I have to be in a relationship before and and then that math I was like 45

20:16

years old I was like oh my God yeah and I hate that I was thinking

20:22

about it that way because it it goes against my grain it it goes against the things that I was talking about before

20:27

like not following anyone else's timeline and prescription and um but it's you know if you want to do things

20:33

the right way presumably you would you know have a enough time to get to know someone and you you really want to

20:40

starting a family is such a big deal that you want to give it the proper amount of time so that that's really where it was coming from but yeah it was

20:47

it just it when I started really thinking about it and doing that math I uh I almost started panicking and just

Fertility education and awareness

20:53

felt like okay I need an insurance policy it's not that I felt like I am approach in not being able to have

21:00

children I I lead a very healthy lifestyle and I I feel like I've taken

21:06

good care of those things and like did all the did all the things right in terms of gynecologist appointments and

21:12

having my fertility checked and and all of those things so it wasn't that I felt like I I was GNA lose time cut you off

21:19

but I want to acknowledge that because a lot of women don't get their fertility checked yeah uh this is this is very

Fertility testing and preparation

21:26

true and I think that there is still a lot of Education to be done about this

21:32

topic in particular yes um the honestly the only reason I did it I I don't think

21:37

I would have thought about it as a single woman and the reason I did it is because in the the marriage that I was

21:43

in we were actually preparing to start a family and I sort of just wanted to

21:48

cover my bases and make sure everything was was good to go my hormones are balanced because I had had a lot of um a

21:55

lot of issues with my hormones throughout my life and um uh including

22:00

like a PCOS diagnosis at one point so like yeah just wanted to like kind of

22:05

cover my bases with it but had it not been for the you know preparing to start a

22:12

family with this person um that I thought I was going to do that chapter with I I don't know that I would have

22:18

even had the test I did it's an amh test that I'm talking about as you know but uh I think that anyone who is um who's

Lack of fertility education

22:26

single and not really planning a family or thinking so much about their fertility it's not really top of mind

22:32

it's not top of mind like it is like get getting a path smar um and especially

22:38

you know this is It's these things are really top of mind for us in the western part of the world but I had been living

22:43

in the Middle East for the the last seven years and it's way less top of

22:49

mind there is way less education in that part of the world yeah yeah yeah and

22:55

there's I mean like you said earlier I think there is such a huge gap here still and I think it should be talked

23:02

about I've had so many women on the podcast that even their gu their their gyno has not there you mentioned

23:08

checking fertility even if they're in their later 30s or um and there was this research study that a good percentage of

23:16

doctors feel like it's not their obligation to share about egg freezing really yeah that's uh that's

23:24

very interesting and I wow okay yeah I it's I I wish was more conversation

23:30

about it whether it's coming from the medical industry uh or medical

23:36

professionals or whether it's coming from friends and family but I do think that most of the time for a woman to to

23:42

know about this it's because she has a friend that had gone through something similar or you know like you hear it

23:49

through the great Bine it's a word of mouth thing it's not that the it's not that we're taught these things it's not that the education is right in front of

23:56

us and we have these constant reminders it's not it's not part of um you know it's not part of the normal game plan

24:01

when it comes to your feminine health no it's not and and it's really

24:07

you know hopefully you know part of the intention of this podcast too is to cultivate more conversation and hopefully fill some gap of that

24:13

information because you know for a lot of women they're finding out too late which is so unfortunate you know I think

24:19

there are a lot of things that we could do preventatively or even just knowledge we can have to be armed with you know

24:25

the ability to make a good choice for ourselves and yeah it's I share I I have a huge

24:31

frustration for where we are right now in terms of our education or or conversations around these things yeah I

24:38

I totally agree with you but I do think it's changing I think you know people like you especially like there's there's

Changing landscape of feminine health

24:44

a lot of these kinds of conversations happening which I think is fantastic but there are also there also companies and

24:51

brands that are doing exciting things in this space and I think one thing that I've picked up on is you know I as feel

24:58

like when in the the General Health space there has been a movement in our

25:03

lifetime around um you know especially with our generation sort of taking more ownership of our own health and um

25:12

getting I know getting informed so that we're not just relying on a doctor to

25:17

say you need to do this and you need to do that we we really take a lot of ownership for that and we have the

25:23

information and the tools and resources available to help us do that and I feel like there's the wave of that coming

25:29

when it comes to feminine Health as well I I agree with you and and and I'm I'm I'm hopeful for that and I'm thankful

25:36

for that I do agree with you there yeah yeah it's it's really great to see that and you know it's um right now I still

25:43

think that industry is very much like the the broader healthcare industry with

25:49

like you know clinics and doctors but there are brands that are um taking a

Advancements in fertility treatments

25:54

more Tech approach to it which you know there's like uh herity I think that's a UK company

26:02

there's kindbody that's based in the US there's ovve in the Middle East and they

26:07

are providing women with information and better access to solutions to help them

26:15

through this process and I think the things that we need are first and foremost the education and just having

26:21

this these conversations become more prolific and and more regular and and

26:26

normalized but then as also sort of facilitating the process of you know how do you find the right

26:32

Clinic how do you know what what is the right way to go for you um just making the whole process easier and I think we

26:37

really really need that it's allowing women to take ownership of their fertility and reproductive health and I

Becky's decision to freeze eggs in Spain

26:43

think that's it's really really great to see that happening yeah it's amazing and just to have these resources and again

26:48

these conversations to make something that can be so overwhelming less overwhelming and I think that's

26:55

important because well we'll get to your I want to get to your journey but it yeah it can be really

27:01

overwhelming yeah that is such a good word for it it really is so I'm so curious about because you

27:08

and I'd love for you to speak to this as well you froze in Spain if I have that right is that correct I did yes yeah

27:16

about your decision to freeze there yes sure so I was um I was living in in

27:24

Dubai sort of in the process of moving out and like kind of putting all my things in storage and that that was the

27:31

point where I was thinking about okay I should really start freezing my eggs so I had I had gone to Madrid I have H it

27:38

it feels like a home base there because that was where I moved when I left the US and I was there for a year and a half

27:43

before being in Dubai so I have um a wonderful group of friends that that feel like family there and it's um it's

27:51

just a second home to me so I was I was visiting around um Christmas time so at

27:57

the end of 2022 and I spoke to a couple of girlfriends about how I was thinking

28:02

about doing it and they had gone through the process in Madrid and so I thought

28:08

oh like let me let me get the clinic recommendations from you like let me look into it and I realized that the

28:15

cost of of freezing your eggs was so much less there than in the UAE or in

28:21

the US um significantly less is it yeah because that's one thing we talk a lot

28:27

about on here is like like the cost it's so expensive and fortunately like as we're talking there's there's progress

28:33

being made like more companies are covering it but if you don't have the coverage yeah it's tens of thousands of

28:39

dollars yeah exactly and I and I didn't have coverage this was going to be completely out of pocket I think there

28:45

are certain parts of the world where it is um that are more Progressive when it

28:50

comes to providing coverage for this type of thing but not not where I was living at the time um not my health

28:56

insurance so yeah I um I it was it just kind of

29:02

planted the seed for me having those conversations with a couple of girlfriends who had done it there and

29:08

when I sort of did did the math and comparisons of you know where I could possibly do it where would I be comfortable doing it um it was the most

29:15

cost-effective option but I also like the more research I did I was finding that Spain is really a hot bed in in

Challenges and language barriers in fertility treatment

29:21

Europe for fertility treatments and some of the most advanced advanced clinics in

29:27

the region are are out of Spain so it just gave me a lot of confidence that you know this is the right place for me

29:33

financially um you know having the home base there it's a level of comfort I really wanted to do it with a clinic

29:40

that someone else I know had referred me to for sure yeah yeah again that sort of

29:47

familiarity or trust you know someone else that it's it's been there and again when it's so overwhelming you definitely

29:52

need to root into those things yeah that's it's very true but at the same

29:57

time because I knew so little about what to expect I I was I would say like

30:03

blindly trusted it in a way like oh like she went through the process it was a good experience for her so I can be comfortable with it without really

30:11

really lifting up the hood as much as I as much as I should have and I was I I was I would say was happy with the the

30:17

clinic that I used and it was a good um my experience with the clinic overall

30:24

was good my experience with egg freezing was very challenging but um you know I was lucky but I I knowing now had I

30:32

known back then what I know now about the process I wish that I had I would

30:37

have done a lot more research and had more conversations yeah what did you

30:43

feel like that's that's a really great point because I think a lot of women go in expecting one thing and have a very

30:49

different experience and I think even doing more research it can be hard to know exactly what it's going to be like

30:55

but what what did you wish you knew knew more about or which what do you wish you had researched

31:02

more I think not so much research that I would have done you know Googling

31:07

different clinics but just taking more time to talk to the doctors and like go

31:13

in person and have conversations and the reason I say that is there were um you

31:18

know when you when you go to doctor's appointment sometimes like you you feel like it's just very operational very transactional you don't get a lot of

31:26

time with the doctor it's like there's you want them to like talk to you more you want them to like open up your files

31:33

more and like really dig into your medical history so that you can feel confident that like they're super invested in your case and they know

31:38

everything that they need to know to to recommend and do the right thing for you

31:45

and there were in addition to that there was also you know I made sure that it was an

31:51

englishspeaking doctor because yeah I um I speak Spanish but

31:57

not Medical terminology like it's it's more like just basic conversational understand as like speaking the same

32:03

language sometimes I had a doctor one time that literally spoke to me medical J jargon the whole time I'm like I have

32:08

no no idea what you're saying and he's speaking English to me like yeah it's it's it's difficult yeah and so that

32:14

that was another thing that I like wish I would have done a little bit differently the there was definitely a language barrier yes the doctor spoke

32:20

English but it was it was broken and it was like when I was trying to understand the technical things like very very

32:28

good Advanced Medical Terminology like that was very hard and and I think the worst the worst moment for me when it

32:34

comes to the language barrier was waking up after my my second procedure where I

32:40

had um this was definitely like the the Crux of the the difficult part of of the process for

32:47

me and waking up and finding out that I the procedure had failed and they had gotten zero eggs when I was expecting I

32:55

had 15 follicles that were were the right size going into it and I woke up

33:00

to we got we got zero and I could not understand what had happened there was

33:07

like the doctor was I I knew that she really was she was like emotionally

33:13

invested in this and she really wanted to help me and she was just desperately trying to explain it in the right way

33:19

but I it it made it really really difficult to not really be able to have that right

33:25

kind of conversation about what had happened and what's going to happen from here and all of that it just made it it

33:31

added a layer of of complexity that I did not need in those moments oh gosh I

33:37

can imagine the devastation of you know and it's weeks of shots and medication

33:43

and imag Devastation oh yeah so so that's that's where the language barrier

33:49

came in but then back to the point of the you know the the time spent the the

33:55

personalized attention I think it's just so important like going through this this process I I thought I I knew

34:02

everything I needed to know about it but then as I was going through it so many questions kept arising and I was I I

Emotional journey of fertility treatment

34:08

just wanted more time with the doctor I wanted more time to like really have things thoroughly explain to me and I

34:14

wanted to feel like okay like they're they're really really taking the time to understand me and how I'm reacting to

34:20

the drugs and what's happening in my body and I came back um the I took a break break after the

34:28

second one failed I the doctor said this is what happened back up to the first

34:33

one how how was that for you the first round so you've done three you did three

34:39

in total three rounds in total yes okay and the first one what was that like for

34:45

you in terms of like emotionally what were you feeling how were how did your body handle the medication did you have

34:51

someone helping you do shots what was that experience like for you yeah well I was I was super positive going into it I

34:58

went to me like just feeling very optimistic is this going to be easy one and done and uh I you know the the one

35:06

of the harder parts of that first round was the very first shot I had to do I was like alone in my hotel room and I

35:13

had my my two best friends on a zoom call with me one of them is a nurse and they were

35:19

like like very very calming me down but also like just do it get it over like

35:24

you got this beex and they were they were such amazing cheerleader so uh like

35:29

that that first shot like getting over that hurdle was was super

35:35

Monumental but um then uh you know the rest of it like once I once I did the first shot I was like okay I can do this

35:42

there were a few times I had friends help me because it's like no no matter how many times I did it it's it was

35:47

still hard every time in your life I mean I did it so many years ago now but like and Rob helped me with a lot of it

35:53

but it's like the mixing of the medication it's like a whole like science experiment kind of yeah like you

36:00

need a degree for this I shouldn't God it's so ner it's so nerve-racking because you also like don't want to [ __ ]

36:06

it up you're just like I I want to make sure I do this right yeah it's so nerve-wracking yeah you don't want to

36:11

miss a drop it's it is hard it's very tricky but um yeah like the the first the first treatment was it just felt

36:18

very smooth sailing and uh the I I was expecting more changes in my body I just

36:25

I wasn't feeling a lot then I was like okay this pretty easy then when it was uh I was like leading up

36:32

to I was say like days away from having the first procedure the follicle count

36:39

wasn't what we were expecting um they were they like they just weren't growing so I had um they said uh I think I had

36:47

eight that they had counted and so I I still went into the first procedure

36:52

thinking okay like I could still get pretty good results but I woke up to um only four of them having been Frozen and

36:59

and viable so that was that was the first real um break in in the whole

37:06

experience was just it was it was such a let down I I was you know I had this number of 12 in my mind yeah like this

37:13

is the Target and I really had an expectation that I was going to get like very close to that if not more in the

37:19

first round and so yeah four I was like this is just such such a disappointment because I I didn't I didn't feel like I

Managing expectations in fertility treatment

37:26

really put my my body through so much but I just my expectations were just way off like there there was no management

37:33

of expectations and I think that's a lot of what's missing in in this space and coming from the the medical

37:39

professionals it's like it you could be on one end of the spectrum or the other end of the spectrum you could get

37:46

nothing or you could get 30 it's it's all over the place so I think I I wish

37:52

that I had gone into it um knowing that that that was a possibility

37:58

it's really hard to to know and I think you know it's hard to know I feel like what

38:05

what again what's missing is yeah the managing of expectations information I feel like in my own experience and this

38:12

is very nerve-wracking but I just put a episode out two weeks ago sharing my fertility Journey where I'm at and I've

38:19

had losses and and I've only found out more after that and it's like why didn't I know any of this before and it's it's

38:26

really we have to be our own Det IV we have to be our own like self Advocates to figure this stuff out and it's so

38:31

unfortunate and again hopefully we're moving in the right direction that like as women we have to like learn this

38:36

stuff after a disappointing experience yeah yeah and I I don't quite know why

38:43

that is I don't know why I don't know why there's so much um

38:49

optimism or rainbow colored glasses rose-colored glasses I think it is um

38:55

when it comes to or roses whatever yeah but when like when it comes to setting someone else setting someone up

39:01

for what to expect it's that you're you're not getting the full picture so

39:09

that that's definitely what happened yeah and I yeah I wonder why that is too I'm only left to like people are

39:15

uncomfortable talking about uncomfortable things I don't know I don't know but in in these experiences and situations I think nothing should be

Egg Freezing Experience

39:22

left unsa yeah yep I I totally agree

39:28

okay so so obviously then you go on to do a second when you heard that number

39:34

did you did you know in that moment like I'm going to try this again or did you have to take some time to process what

39:41

was your I knew right away and um the doctor was really quick to have those

39:46

conversations with me and she basically said this um your your body just didn't it the

39:54

drugs were too light for you like you your body didn't respond super well to the doses that we gave you so we're

40:00

going to do it again and we're going to go a little bit more aggressive with the hormones next time so I I wasted no time

40:08

I moved right into the second round without taking a break which is another learning I wish I wish I had given my

40:14

body a break in between and uh I think there are different schools of thought

40:20

when it comes to that if you if it's okay to do it back to back um or if you should really space them out and I think

40:26

it's probably just a matter of listening to your body and um I I guess because

40:33

the first one was sort of like lower dosage and it didn't feel that extreme on my body I felt like it was okay to do

40:40

a second one but doing it back to back and then having a more aggressive

40:45

approach with with the medication it was like the pendulum swung in the opposite

40:51

direction a little bit too far and my body it was it was too much for my body

40:56

and I had a really really tough time I was in a lot of pain I like crazy swelling um just all like all of the

41:04

symptoms were were to the extreme degree for me and then I also had some uh I

41:10

have a Venus insufficiency in my legs so I have already existing issues with my

41:18

circulation and swelling and my lower lenss and so the it it created a really

Emotional Struggle

41:25

high risk for me of blood clots and so in addition to all the hormones then I had to start taking blood

41:31

thinners and I was having extreme pain in my legs and very bad swelling so just like yeah I went from like no symptoms

41:38

to everything everything hitting me really hard yeah so how were you feeling

41:44

emotionally in that second round it being a lot harder on your body that's when it things got really

41:50

really tough so my my second round was um before and after the procedure we we

41:57

some of the toughest moments for me my emotions were extremely high I was just really I was really really struggling

42:02

with the like the physical impact of it and um I just could not wait I couldn't

42:10

wait for that round to be over but I kept telling myself I think what got me through The Upfront part of the process

42:16

was I'm I'm getting a lot more eggs this time like that the followup account was was so high and I was like it's going to

42:23

be worth it like I will only after this round I'll have everything I need and and probably more than the 12 Target

42:30

that that I was hoping for so that when when the procedure failed which happened

42:37

because I had a one of my my progesterone spiked in the 11th hour and

42:43

when your hormones are not in balance it prevents the eggs from reaching a stage

42:48

of maturity so the the follicles were there but the

42:54

eggs were not uh extractable so they like like stuck inside of the

43:00

follicle essentially so and it was just because of like a hormone imbalance and

43:05

it's probably a result of just like this was all way too much on my body and my body reacted poorly so um yeah like

43:13

having those High Hopes And like what I put my myself through was made it more devastating

43:20

when I woke up and found out that it had failed yeah and that's what's so hard is

43:25

and we've talked about this too here and I've lived it like the the question of worth like what is it all worth and

43:31

we're putting our bodies Our emotions our mental health our physical health through all these things with this

43:37

hopeful outcome and when we don't get the outcome it's like it is still all worth it but it's

43:43

so hard to wrap your head around that in the moment when you hear that devastating news and you know I I

43:49

recently suffered a miscarriage and it was like shots and doctor's appointments and blood works and all the thing and

43:54

what keeps you going is like I'm doing this for a reason there's a big why to this and then you know you have a loss

44:01

and it's just like oh my god it feels like all for all for nothing yeah it really did it it felt like my world was

44:08

shattered but I also I had to remind myself constantly that part of the way

44:14

that I'm feeling is the chemistry in my body like this is a it's it's the hormones and I really tried to tell

44:20

myself that often but I also reminded myself that my my circumstances are are

44:25

not that bad like this is an inter policy this is a a protective mechanism at the end of the day this is not it's

44:31

it's not my my one chance to have children right this is you know I I still have the ability to conceive as

44:38

far as I know and like that that could still happen like this is just sort of the the the backup plan yeah so I really

44:45

had to to keep putting it into perspective in that way and I think that's the only thing that gets you

44:50

through sometimes is your is your mindset and really having a healthy mindset otherwise yeah I mean you could

44:57

be in a hole for a really long time and it can be not to say that that's easy to do but you know I think the you know and

45:03

as a therapist of course this is where I focus like the mental emotional peace is so important and what we're saying to

45:08

ourselves about our circumstances shapes The Experience 100% so I think that's amazing that you were able to like

45:14

ground yourself in that in that mindset yeah I it was it was really hard

Perspective and Community Support

45:19

at times I I would say I there some days I definitely failed at it and I was I was just miserable and felt sorry for

45:27

myself and you know I had to really pick myself up out of that but one thing that that also really played a role in how I

45:34

dealt with the whole experience was the connection I made with my community on

45:41

on Instagram specifically I was openly sharing my journey on on my Instagram

45:46

page and so many women reached out and shared their own Journeys it's a lot of

45:53

them were just sending Positive Vibes and and just really encouraging messages but it was the ones that shared what

46:01

they had been through that really impacted me and and put things into perspective like what I what happened to

46:07

me did not hold a candle to what other women had been through I yeah I mean I

46:15

felt the same exact thing after going through what I went through and I'm like my heart goes out I mean it's all devastating but there are women that

46:22

have gone through this for years and women are very strong and and resilient yeah I think that there's so much power

46:28

in the sharing absolutely it really got me through it and you know here I was I I

46:35

chose the city because I had a great support system there but there was still a lot of times a lot of days that I was

46:41

I was alone I didn't have a friend I didn't have a family member that was

46:46

there with me all the time and like the people that I had there like they have

46:51

lives and they have jobs and they weren't just there to be with me so there were there were a lot of moments

Decision to Pause

46:57

of solitude and I I wish that I had had someone that was like really present

47:02

with me and by my side um but when I didn't when I didn't have that I had my

47:07

community to lean into and it it truly made all the difference they they really

47:13

got me through it yeah it's such a such a beautiful I Community is such an amazing an amazing thing I think we all

47:19

need that that connection and that support yeah absolutely yeah this is very true you

47:25

finish round two you kind of pick yourself back up do you go right into round three do you at this point

47:31

take a break yeah at this point I I decided to pause I I knew that my body

47:37

needed a break and I was I also wanted to give it some time to decide do do I

47:43

really want to put myself through this again because coming out of that I was just I was not feeling good about it I I

47:50

I was like n this is this is way too much I I don't know if I can go through this again a few weeks went by and you

47:57

know after I'm feeling better I'm thinking okay I I really should like I I did this for a reason let me reach my

Third Round Preparation

48:03

goal or at least get closer to it I can go through this one more time so I I

48:09

think I took yeah I took two full months off before starting the third round and

48:14

the doctor had said okay like we we realized that you know we went a little bit more aggressive with the medication

48:20

the second time your body did not respond well to it especially with your circulatory issues we need to go back to

48:27

uh what we did for you in the first round and you might only get a couple of

48:33

eggs at a time so it might require several more rounds we'll see so how did

48:38

you how did you feel about her suggestion to go back to the first

48:44

protocol yeah I mean it wasn't it wasn't easy to hear that but I also I was

48:49

listening to my body and I knew that the what I injected myself the second time

48:56

around was was way too much I I I knew I didn't want to experience that again so

Considering Another Round

49:01

I was fine with going back to the first one and I I just thought to myself okay I I have to accept it this is part of

49:07

the process at least I know what it's going to feel like so I um yeah waited

49:12

to months started again and it was it no no no major hiccups I had a little bit

49:19

of a of a higher count then the first time and and when I did the procedure they were able to uh they were able to

49:25

freeze six of them so I had four Z and six 10 in total and I decided to stop

49:32

there are you happy yeah with with that is I there's there is I would say more

49:40

recently a part of me that is thinking about doing one more round and yeah it's

49:46

um it's coming from a I I recently met a

49:51

a Founder who's she's building a a fertility F Tech brand in the Middle

49:56

East and she she had her own experience with egg freezing and she's now on her I think she just finished her fifth round

50:03

she she is up to like 28 eggs something like that and so having the the

50:09

conversation with her and um you know how many times she's been through it kind of got me thinking about it again

50:15

like maybe I should maybe I should just do one more round try to get a couple of more just to just to have a better

50:21

backup plan I don't know I'm very much on the fence about it I just started thinking about it a couple days ago but

50:27

um it's nice it's such a personal decision 100% yeah yeah it really is but

Advocating for Personalized Attention

50:35

I mean I have I have 10 that's a good um little security blanket but I still have

50:40

a lot to think about you know you may never need them it's just it's sort of this this unknown you may never even

50:46

need them right exactly that's true yeah so there was a point we were talking

50:53

about earlier that um when we kind of got got derailed about my my first round

50:59

and my second round we didn't come back to and that was about the the personalized

51:04

attention yes where this sort of came into play in my experience was after my

51:09

second round like the doctor had conversations with me about like how the approach that she wanted to take uh

51:16

doing it for a third time and when I I took a two-month break and then I came back and when I met with the doctor

51:24

again to start the third round it was as if the conversation never happened and

51:30

like she had completely forgotten what completely forgotten that I had this circulatory issues and completely like

51:37

forgotten about the approach that we were talking about taking and like I had

51:42

to I'm I'm glad that I wrote things down and I was like really taking ownership of it because I I had to be the one in

51:50

in the office to say no that like we talked about doing it this way I we

51:55

can't do it so to the second time around because this happened so I just think

52:00

it's a that shouldn't have happened but B this is a you know case in point why women really need to own this stuff for

52:08

themselves and and be educated and informed it's so upsetting and it is so

52:14

frustrating because I don't feel like we should have to do this and when we're in such vulnerable circumstances and you

52:22

know I'm yeah it's just frustrating cuz I've lived that too and I just feel like it's

52:27

such a disservice to women that are going through these fertility Journeys that are overwhelming they're

52:34

challenging they're emotional and then on top of that we have to research we have to ask the questions like you know

52:41

I've done such a deep dive after my miscarriage and it's been overwhelming like maybe too much and even you know as

52:47

a therapist I tell my clients not to do this so but of course I do it myself and Rob was like you need to like chill and

52:53

I'm like I can't I need to know the questions to ask like I need to have the knowledge because I didn't like my first

53:00

transfer I didn't know the questions to ask so I was just like okay yeah we'll do that yeah we'll do that oh my thyroids were high you're telling me

53:06

that's fine okay but we need yeah I'm so proud of you and that's so amazing that you went you had your voice and you

53:13

reminded the doctor which you shouldn't have had to but if you didn't do it then what yeah and it's I guess the way that

53:22

I look at it um yes they I think any doctor has a responsibility

53:27

to make sure they're they're really well informed but they're human also at the

53:32

end of the day and I know that this doctor was like she was she was so emotional about like the when I when I

53:38

woke up from the second procedure she had tears in her eyes I knew it was breaking her heart so I genuinely felt

53:43

like she really cared and she was invested in my case but it's like everybody's human like they're not

53:50

going to do things perfectly like they could Overlook something so that's you know whether they're it doesn't mean

Life Transition and Career Change

53:56

they're bad like whether they're invested or not you need to be the one to really you know be in the driver's

54:02

seat on all of these things for yourself because you don't you can't just like let go and and let somebody else take the wheel when it's your your own body

54:09

and your own fertility and your future yeah that's an amazing point because I I think and and where we

54:15

started this conversation is like taking the wheel on our own lives and not listening to anybody else so I think

54:20

it's like it is still about being in the driver's seat that's a really good point yeah yeah to bring it full

54:27

yeah yeah so yeah I mean just kind of share where you are now where life is

54:32

for you I know you just shared your maybe thinking about another round um yeah yeah kind of where are you now and

54:38

maybe we'll end on what you would share what you would want to pay forward after everything that you've been through and

54:44

that's that's what I try to think about when I've gone through these hard experiences is like how can I then help

54:50

someone out and maybe there's a bigger meaning or purpose for me going through this and I've certainly learned a lot

54:55

after my life last two you know failed transfers that I I want to continue to share and pay forward yeah so um life

55:03

has has really this this experience that I I went through last year and actually

55:09

I was I have a a Daily Journal that I write as gratitude journal and there's

55:15

you know one page for every day of the year and there's like five sections so like when I write on the the April 10th

55:21

day I can actually see what I wrote April 10th last year and April 10th the year before that's awesome so I was I

55:27

was reading back and you know today last year was when I started my second round

55:34

of of egg freezing so this is It's you know one year later and I I know

55:41

physically like where where I am I'm I'm in Bali right now and I've I've been like I mentioned just living a a fully

55:48

remote life for the last Almost year and a half and uh my professional base is

55:54

still out of Dubai so that's where I had before packing up and living on

56:00

the road I was in Dubai for seven years working in the tech and startup space and um I I have been in the last few

56:09

months in sort of a a transitional phase where I have been wanting to take a step back from the tech space and figure out

56:18

a a way to direct my career in a in in on a path that's more meaningful and

56:24

Mission driven and something that really resonates with me personally um I had been working in HR Tech and

56:32

fintech um it just I liked the work and the people that I was working with but

56:38

um just wasn't resonating with me the way that I really wanted it too so but isn't it I love that like

56:45

this yeah like life has has has seasons and being able to Pivot and not having

56:52

to stay with the one thing you know I've done I've been a therapist for so many years now and now I'm doing that I love

56:57

that I love that and that's again being like in tune with ourselves I think it's amazing thing to to shift and to Pivot

57:04

yeah so the what happened I I I sort of decided I in my when I was writing my

57:10

goals in the beginning of the year I said I want to um steer my career in a different direction with in a direction

New Opportunity

57:15

that really resonates with me and just sort of like waited for for a sign or

57:21

something to fall into place and um I recently went back to Dubai where I I

57:28

needed to um have some meetings and kind of figure things out while I was there on ground and I I had done a

57:36

collaboration with a a fem Tech brand based in the Middle East called ovve I

57:41

mentioned them before and um I you know I had done some ugc content for them just wanting wanting to support I love

57:48

what the brand is doing and um when I when I got to Dubai I met the founder we

57:54

we had a coffee because we realized and working together on this this content piece that we had very a lot of

58:01

parallels very similar stories and very similar experiences with egg freezing so I met her for coffee and one thing led

58:06

to another and um because I have a background in Tech and marketing and brand building and she's been looking

58:13

for someone to help on the marketing side I am now working with this brand so this is H it really came full circle

58:20

like oh that's so amazing yeah this this area of my life like the ache freezing or something that was just very very

58:26

very deeply personal to me and I was very passionate about wanting to share my story and educate other women and

Following Your Own Path

58:32

then also over here wanting to make a change in my career and the two things really came together isn't that amazing

58:40

I love that yeah that's exciting you'll have to share more with us Offline that we can post too about about this company

58:47

I'm obviously happy to support in any way possible one piece of advice you'd want

58:52

to pay forward to women maybe thinking about egg or have gone through a round and

58:58

thinking about another round um yeah some some words of wisdom or or piece of

59:05

advice yeah I think it's um it's more maybe more of a just the overall

59:10

takeaway that we have been talking about almost this entire conversation and that is just to to follow your own path and

59:17

really take take ownership for yourself and your own life you know I there there are so many different

Freezing Eggs and Advocating for Yourself

59:24

paths that a woman can follow and you know one person might be really happy

59:29

with settling down in her earlier mid 20s and just um starting a family right

59:35

away someone else might be wanting to to do a lot of different things with her career and other aspirations

59:42

and those things can take time and you also don't know when you're going to meet someone so I think it's um it's

59:49

really really a good thing to just give yourself the the option and and the

59:54

freedom like take away the the time pressure um yes

1:00:00

if yeah so I I I think like consider it consider freezing your eggs as as one

Empowerment and Taking Control

1:00:05

piece of advice like check your fertility don't like don't wait for something to happen or don't wait until

1:00:11

it's too late like actually be proactive get it checked um this this really should be as common as breast checks and

Gratitude and Farewell

1:00:18

as common as Pop smears really um but also you know it if you decide to do

1:00:23

that just advocate for yourself like don't don't just entirely rely on a doctor to take the Reigns and tell you

1:00:30

what to do do your research know know what's going on like really own the process and and be at the driver's seat

1:00:37

I love that being in the driver's seat being the drive your own car in your own lane and being in the driver's seat I

1:00:42

think that's like a a good message well thank you so much for taking the time to be here and sharing your story I know it's going to be so helpful for other

1:00:48

women to hear it yeah it was really my pleasure thank you so much for having me and it was it was wonderful to meet you

1:00:54

and have this conversation as well so wonderful you guys I do not

1:00:59

get on a flight anymore without my Baba's compression socks they are a travel staple for me especially on

1:01:05

longer flights the socks help improve blood flow from your legs to your heart which obviously is so essential I just

1:01:11

love these socks so much and I want you guys to have an opportunity to check out these socks too so use our code QTC 20

1:01:19

for 20% off your first purchase of bombas hey guys I'm bth thank you so much for tuning in to quiet the clock if

1:01:26

you want to hear more episodes and learn more about how to dismantle societal timelines live life on your own terms

1:01:32

live life fully And authentically subscribe to our Channel on YouTube and you can also follow us on Instagram and

1:01:38

Tik Tok at quiet the clock pod [Music]

‍